I had a huge gallon of milk from brunch last Sunday and didn\’t know what to do with it, since I don\’t really like 2% milk (only nonfat organic hyperpasteurized milk for me). So I brought it to campus and put it on the table right in front of the free food cam, hoping a hungry thirsty graduate student will drink it.

And who knows what happened to it. At least, it\’s not in my fridge.

What is a regret? What makes you regret something?

Is it worse to have not done something? Or is it worse to have done something?

Quite often, we go through our lives making decisions on what feels right at the moment. We say certain things because it sounds like the right thing to say. We take paths–usually the well-traveled ones–because it has worked in the past.

But when is it right to do something against our current judgment?

We always will make the effort to do things we enjoy. Yet when is it the time to stop doing it, because it will hurt us so much later? The idea of carpe diem is not to think about the consequences. Don\’t let our thoughts of the past and the future influence what we do at the moment. Just do what seems right. But when should we stop?

Blogging has been a constant in my life for the last 5.5 years. Nearly every day. The longest I probably went without blogging was 5 days when I was in China (the trip was actually 10 days, but I found an internet cafe). The audience has completely changed over the years from people I knew offline to people I knew online back to people I knew offline.

And yet, I don\’t know why exactly I blog. I have so many responses to that question: (1) I have a need to be heard. (2) I want to document my life for my memoirs. (3) Because I love the online community and how blogging brings so much from it. (4) I love to write. (5) Stress relief.

Times have changed though. I am so plugged into this world. I don\’t like it, but at the same time, I am unwilling to let go. I know there\’s way too much of myself online because of this blog. Yet it\’s a place that I can rely on where my words are printed out in text and ideas are formed. But it\’s a place of memories of heartbreak and success. Then those silly, stupid moments.

When is it time to move on? But I know I can\’t.

I am one of the few people I know that updates the blog almost on a daily basis. Go me!

It\’s also because I am OCD like that.

cl1p.net for those of us who use adium and can never transfer files and spend hours troubleshooting why of set router ports omg etc and resort to sending huge e-mail omgwtfroflbbq!!!!111

On Tuesday night, I left campus around midnight after picking a fight with the color laser printer. Exhausted, I sat at the bus stop rather than taking the escort shuttle. The 59u came one minute after the time indicated on the bus schedule. I pulled out my wallet to flash my pass and took a seat near the front. I started wondering how I was going to finish my writeup for Game Design when I was so tired. My stomach grumbled from not eating anything substantial since 10 am that morning.

The bus rumbled down Forbes, but there was a blockage. Police car lights flashing. An empty dark street. Even though I couldn\’t see that closely, there seemed to be a serious tone that exuded from the scene. The bus driver paused…and took a left into Beeler. I started wondering what would have happened if I walked home…it probably would have been faster, but would they have let me through the block?

I reached my intersection and hopped out, prepping myself for a long night of writing.

Turns out that the street block was because a student had gotten off the bus and while crossing the street, got hit by an incoming car. She died the following the morning at the UPMC from head trauma. So the last two days at the spot where she was hit lies a makeshift memorial of pink, hello kitty, and written messages. I didn\’t hear about it until some undergrads mentioned they were going to be late for class because of the memorial. What does it say about the campus when grad students are so unaware?

I remember the memorial that appeared when a student jumped off the math building in Berkeley (because computer science rejected him). There were messages indicating strength, purpose, nostalgia, and hope. But for a car accident, messages of condolences and love.

In other news, how can someone\’s death go unnoticed for 3 years? This is the ultimate blow in life–to be forgotten. If you disappeared, would anyone notice? Would someone care enough to find out why?

I am planning to take a few months off to travel before starting real work. Suggestions? I have approximately $1000 to spend. But the only other person that would go with me is my sister who I would also spend $1000 for as well.

But ultimately, I need to hit Seattle, New York City and possibly Boston before I start work.

The intentions of travel:
learn how it would be like to live in another country rather than the states
appreciate the little things in life
be treated as a person rather than an Asian American who cannot speak an Asian language natively
see great landscapes, experience great adventures
find the rare little treasures
meet people who have different experiences
come back without a fear of change

It is the year of the dog and I will turn 24 in over a month. According to Chinese astrology, this is supposed to be a good year for me.

Yet, Carol warns me that the year that I am 24 will…not be good. The Chinese astrologists also see that there is something wrong with the stars…that we should be careful. My friend (also my age) has started to wear red string or red underwear. Red is lucky and with it, we\’ll protect ourselves.

So this morning, I finally found a pseudo-red string in my drawers and tied it around my wrist.

I really don\’t believe in superstition or astrology. Yet, I wonder if the past few months has…been unlucky. I broke my right hand. I still haven\’t found a job (although I am still optimistic). And well…last weekend. However, what if?

Luck is all a matter of perspective. This silver lining in a gray cloud is something I naturally seek. Even when the rain pours, I don\’t see the rain really, I see the sun shining on the horizon. But I will try out wearing the red string for awhile.