In my twenties, I often believed that I needed to do what everyone thought was fun. I was a regular at the local bars (because everyone had fun drinking although I usually only drank water) and I spent ridiculous amounts of money at “New American” restaurants (even for meals that I thought were entirely disgusting). I even hosted huge rocking parties, inviting everyone I knew, to come over. Coupled with alcohol and other pleasant things.

But what was I really thinking?

I once read an article where the author decided to be true to herself. That meant that she went out less often. She spent more time relaxing at home. That also meant that she saw less of her friends often.

And here’s the rub.

I spent a lot of time doing things that I absolutely disliked just so that people would like me more. In some ways, that did work. They called me regularly. They invited me to things. Because maybe I added color? A sense of naivete and innocence? Yet by the end of my twenties, I suddenly just stopped participating. Let’s not lie about this. I prefer more hole-in-the-wall cuisine. I love spending hours watching (good) TV and movies, writing endlessly, and wrapping myself up in burrito with my blanket.

What this turned into was that I suddenly was not part of the former big groups. I slowly lost touch with people. But maybe, it was for the best, because did I really connect with them authentically?

Whatever the case, I am a little more satisfied with my activities. So here’s to being true and telling others what I want rather than pretending that I want the same things that they do.

The boats in front of me for the Youth America’s Cup was happening right in front of me. Yet, I had trouble focusing. Ten boats from eight countries were competing with 42 feet long carbon fiber boats in the San Francisco boat. I wonder if it just seemed like “peanuts”. Or whether, the idea of racing didn’t appeal to me as the boats moved quickly from the Golden Gate Bridge toward Alcatraz and back toward Marina Green.

All I was fascinated by were the helicopters. That is, the two helicopters that were capturing the race from a wide angle and a “dramatic” angle. One red and blue one hovered far above the boats…at least more than a mile in the air. Then the other got low to get capture the boat. And it buzzed and buzzed.

Granted, I rarely see any events that require such helicopter manuvering. And I knew that these particular races with all the money poured…demanded to have great angles on TV. Of course, why not helicopters? And as perfected after surely years of production, we saw what we wanted to see on the big screen.

My knowledge in boats and sailing go little beyond the one time that I found myself on a sailboat drifting on San Francisco Bay. I like being the near water, but not always on it, reminding me of the time I got horribly sick on the ferry to Catalina Island. As the AC-42s whizzed by and the live commentary, I kept wondering how the helicopters kept in sync. Was there a producer instructing them on their movement? Did the pilots enjoy this kind of work or was it very robotic, barely any artistry or freedom? How does a helicopter work? Can it go backwards?

I remember the first and only time on a helicopter. In my late teens, my parents brought my sister and me to an Alaskan cruise. Splurging, we took a helicopter ride to a glacier. Just the four of us and the pilot. Unlike a plane, I saw views up close…usually not possible by plane. Yet the only thing that I remember the most…was the noise. We all were required to wear huge headsets. I felt awkward speaking through them because we had to press a button…and everyone including the pilot would hear. No whispers allowed. I remember staying awkwardly silent as did the rest of my family. I remember that the most, and barely the walk I took in the glacier.

They say that humans are impressed by nature when they are in it. When I see oceans, trees, mountains, canyons, I am not impressed. I act like the way that others do, because they expect me to be in awe. But what I remember the most are the technology and the people. Is it that awful?