2019: One Word

One Word. Encapsulate the year in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2020 for you?

From years past: 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011 and 2010

The one word that captures this year:

Resilience

Last year, I had hoped the word would be Comfort. Interestingly, my initial thought of the word was acceptance. But I wanted acceptance of the way things were and how I was able to work with it.

And because of the work that I had been doing at my current job—building a Resilience program through building inner strength, practicing mindfulness, regulating emotions, and carrying thoughts…it had to be this word.

It’s the idea of bouncing back in the face of tough times. Maybe it’s because of all these behavioral things that I have seen. And not just looking at others, but thinking about how it might apply to myself. In college, I was constantly devastated thinking that the world was against me. Fridays were always unlucky. People were mean. And it’s not that I still think that things are bad. They are bad. But I work with it and they don’t trouble me into a constant dark place.

I used to let other people’s anger or disappointment get to me. That it says something about me. But I have built some of kind of inner strength to know when people say something about me…that it’s not about me. Of course, I have known about this for more than a decade. But I think that I have truly embodied it.

All people can be like children in a tantrum. I can be too.

Next year, I hope that maybe…with this resilience, I would seek gratitude. Gratitude for myself. Gratitude that I carried all of this forward.

2019: Travel

How did you travel in 2019? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

In 2018, I traveled very domestically, mostly local for retreats in Ukiah, Scotts Valley, and Big Sur. Then San Diego for a work thing. And a trip to Squaw Valley. And a crazy long adventure through Chicago and New York. In 2017, I traveled to Minnesota for work, LA twice for “fun”, Las Vegas for a not-so-good fun, and Thailand/Myanmar! Also somehow forgot to mention Cincinnati for MidwestUX! And did I forgot to mention Phoenix? In 2016, I traveled to Finland/Sweden for my first big speaking gig, Portland for a “bachelorette” party, road trip to LA for my sister’s wedding, and Minnesota for work. In 2015, I went to Brazil for a conference, multiple work trips, and a midwest trip. In 2014, I went on multiple weekend trips, increased business trips, and found a destination for ice cream and writing. In 2013, I finished off the bulk of the travel for the Ice Cream Travel Guide. In 2012, I started the journey of a life and went to what I thought was unfathomable (in my life) — six domestic destinations and eight international destinations — for professional and personal reasons. In 2011, I went on one international trip, one domestic…and one super local. In 2010, I went on one international trip and multiple domestic trips.

In 2019, I went:

  • Phoenix (twice) to see my sister pre-baby and then post-baby!
  • Japan! All over Hokkaido and then Tokyo for an AMAZING two week trip of everything, I would have wanted in a winter vacation.
  • New York for a friend’s wedding, but alas this was shortly after Chris’ incident, so it was a so so experience
  • Portland for XOXO fest. Again Chris felt funnie so it wasn’t the best. But we made the most of it.
  • A side trip to Bass Lake/Yosemite, which turned out to be less than I would have liked
  • A little less than I would have liked. But after doing so much international travel (and growing awareness of climate change), I am reluctant to really travel much!

    In the coming year though, I hope to go to Phoenix again. Then a planned retreat with my writing group to the Santa Cruz area. And *crosses fingers* hopefully a writing workshop—but that all depends on getting in. But I realize that I don’t particularly like going to places without Chris, because I would rather share my experiences with him.

    Nonetheless, I still have hopes for places like Vancouver or New York City again. And if I am willing to go inside a metal tube, Korea one day. Or maybe back to Ukiah? ;)

    2019: Entertainment

    It’s that time of the year…to recount the past year. And then the past decade! Although technically, the decade is not over until December 31, 2020. But here we are when we say a new decade is starting!

    Nonetheless, to begin!

    I recounted the most impactful entertainment pieces for me in 2014. Then I did it again for 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018. Now 2019.

    Movies I Saw
    A little tough halfway through the year due to Chris’ incident, but still…very impactful!

  • Parasite
  • Avengers: Endgame
  • The Last Black Man in San Francisco
  • Burning
  • Detective Pikachu
  • TV Shows I Watched

  • Watchmen
  • Game of Thrones granted, a very mixed season
  • Succession
  • Barry
  • Fleabag
  • Books I Read

  • Pachinko
  • The Power
  • Exhalation a collection of short stories, but it counts!
  • Educated
  • The Making of a Manager
  • Ways to Pass the Time

  • Bon Apetit videos
  • Always reading news on Twitter, but noticing conversations and paying attention to the context of a tweet rather than the tweet itself
  • Listening to podcasts of shows and Esther Perel
  • Brainstorming ways to use up leftover food (e.g. what can one do with a surplus of roasted potatoes)
  • Confirming Chris’ recovery
  • Technology

  • Instagram stories—yes, I know
  • Google Home…when it works
  • Google Photos
  • Abstract, even if it’s a work thing, but the abilty to control versioning and look at history!
  • Slack. Still my favorite app of all as long as it doesn’t stress me out. Found communities this year, although not sure if I will have sustained interest
  • PURPOSE…PROPOSAL?

    “Would you still be with me if you knew that our relationship would end in tragedy?” I asked.

    Instead of answering directly, he answered like Dr. Manhattan from the episode where I got that idea from. “Why yes, of course,” he answered in an emotionless voice.

    I wrinkled my nose, but tears slid down my cheeks. “Would you?” I repeated.

    “Don’t all relationships end in tragedy?” he said, mimicking Dr. Manhattan.

    I sighed, but I already knew the answer.

    Just two hours previously, I was vacuuming the bedside table, sweeping all the dust, in an attempt to prepare my sleeping space to better my accommodate my recovery from a cold. Despite the roar, I heard the door open and close.

    It could only be.

    Of course, I had been shaped by videos, stories, books, photos, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. I wanted the flashdance, the surprise, the friends. I always joked about the “Purpose…Proposal” from Avenue Q for years. Until the few moments that I thought that it was going to happen. As we drove from dinner for my birthday, I fell asleep in the car. When I woke up, I discovered that we were at treasure island next to the setting sun. I sat up, alert. Was this it? He began, “I know that I don’t know how to express my emotions…”

    I was relieved that it wasn’t. I was relieved that nobody was watching. I was relieved that it wasn’t a spectacle. I was relieved that I wasn’t put on display.

    But the more that it didn’t happen, the more that I constructed a thought for myself. Soon over the years as we navigated challenges and successes, I started to say exactly what I wanted. So much that I (almost) literally wrote it on our annual goals post-it.

    And today, technically yesterday, for weeks, I had decided exactly how and where I wanted. It didn’t quite end up that way due to the noise in the restaurant and our timing.

    So instead on the following day after meandering through the Moma and he left to run an errand (pick up Philz) and I was vacuuming, it happened.

    After vacuuming, I came out to the living room and he acted surprise.

    “Is it—” I said.

    “I think that I had it in Toad bag,” he said and pulled out the original one.

    “Not a fresh one?”

    Then he pulled out another one. And gave me a deep hug. I started making excited screams and he handed it over to me. I wrinkled my nose and said no, waving my hands.

    “It has to go on!” I said and clarified. “Out of the wrapper.”

    I also waved him to kneel down.

    And then it happened.