It\’s so superficial, but one thing I am afraid of…is that I\’ll gain too much weight here in Pittsburgh. One significant difference here and California is that there are more people that are…pleasantly plump. On the bus, I see people taking up more than one seat. Then when walking to the local supermarket, I see someone in a wheelchair because they can\’t walk. I feel guilty as I walk by, knowing that I gawk and knowing that…maybe it\’s not their fault that they\’re that way. And yet, I can\’t help feeling disgusted as they enter Coldstone Creamery to order a \”I love it\” size.
When I was younger, my mom did make a point of how I was \”bigger\” than my younger sister. It just sort of showed. But being asian, I was always compared to my peers as skinny…and thinner. Most of the time, I never really watch what I eat. Food to me…is meant to be a joy. And other times, I see it as a curse because my hunger pangs interfere with my work productivity. In Berkeley, I often got away with eating 5-10 bites of food, mostly because I didn\’t have time to eat. That was also because my mom made me food and I didn\’t attach as much value. Here in Pittsburgh, because I make my own food and purchase my own meals, I feel like I should finish everything I make because…it would be such a waste otherwise. And so now, I find myself eating not because I am hungry, but because the food is there. A few days ago, I bought a large bunch of bananas and…finished it in two days.
And another thing is that…while in Berkeley, the kitchen was the next room, here the kitchen is two floors below. It\’s too far. And…selfish as it is, I am posessive of my food. The idea of leaving my favorite food downstairs outside of my cupboard (i.e. bread, cornbread, bakery cookies, cereal) may invite people to eat them. So to appease my paranonia, I keep some food in my room. I have three boxes of beverages – water, lemonade, and snapple iced tea. Then a huge bag of ramen. Then my cornbread and cookies in another corner. Then one box of cereal and my raisin loaf bread. And bananas.