To me, before I ran into Chris again, Rescomp had always been a job that I once had in Berkeley. A job that I deliberately applied for, because I didn’t want to helpless. I wanted to be different and special—one of the guys and one of the tech-savvy. At the end of my time at Rescomp, I had realized how like any student jobs they binded people together. But I never attended any of the social events, I never was part of the in-crowd…I had remained outside the drama and the inner circle.

When I “met” Chris again—he and I never really exchanged a single word at Rescomp (an example of a missed opportunity: i am on the left with long black hair and he is in green on the right), he talked about his three years fondly—recalling the crazy times, the memorable one-liners, the ski trips, the RBI…the hijinks…and his last year as part of the senior staff, leading a small team. He showed me the classic photo of his team—the one that is still known in Rescomp today as the one of the best team photos.

But this is how it started. An almost aching for what could have been—if I could have been less shy and more open as an undergraduate. If I didn’t let some judgments get in the way and if I didn’t spend most of my time overanalyzing than doing. I longed for what could be and that drew me to the event. And in some way, I admit that I wanted people to see who I was now than who I was then.

But was it a regret? As I worked with the committee to contact everyone for the reunion, I came across those who had misgivings about their job. And there were people who didn’t want to see others. The grudges, the embarrassments, the shame, the guilt.

Being known as the super-quiet, awkward one during my first few years of Rescomp, I wondered how perceptions of me have changed. It was a self-centered thought really. At the event, I saw my former supervisor come in with his girlfriend and dog. “Hi…” he hesitantly said, seeming surprised to see me managing the welcome table.

I smiled and said, “Haven’t seen you for awhile!”

During the toast, I suddenly wanted to retreat back to my super-quiet self. When they called the committee to the front, I tried to hide behind the speaker, nervously picking at my strawberry cupcake. But Chris who had yelled “HEY RESCOMP!” and people now attentive yelled back, “Hey taiche!” as if they had known him forever.

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