By looking different, you become different

In college, I saw a counselor for several weeks in sorting life issues. During one of our last sessions, he came in with contacts. No glasses. And it disrupted my thinking. The glasses seemed to change everything—I could no longer talk to him normally—even though intellectually he was all the same. It was unfamiliar, unfriendly, and uncomfortable.

I am a slow changer—drastic haircuts are a foreign concept to me. I drag my feet when it comes to anything that changes my appearance. In all, even when I get or do something completely new, I wish that people would not notice and that I would blend into obscurity.

I am a contradiction with the performer inside me, wanting to be seen and heard. I want to dye my hair blue, maybe streaks. I want to wear something that I never wear. I want to say things that I never say. I just want to be crazy. Because doing that, I’ll be different. I hope.

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