In a room of strangers

Surrounded by people I didn’t know, I felt free suddenly to state my weaknesses bluntly and honestly. Despite my wavering voice, I didn’t hesitate in telling everyone about my anti-alcohol feelings, my odd no-touch no-huge zone. I was quite certain that my words reeked of my insecurity and anxiety.

Yet, I was not that deathly afraid.

See this contrast to a room full of people that I knew. Perhaps people that fell into my number two circle. These are the people that I consider close…but maybe not horribly too close. I would hesitate depending on the state of my relationship with them.

Sometimes I would be the poseur—to appear to be smarter and resourceful than I really was. Or I would feel guilty…needy…trying everything to avoid abandonment and be accepted.

But in a room full of strangers, I have nothing to lose. They didn’t accept me prior to this moment. I don’t expect them to do so, because I am not seeking to accept them. At the very least, I just want to be heard for a single moment. After that, I really don’t care.

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