I can’t say that there have been many times in my life where I have been so outwardly welcomed. Simply because of my interests and expertise. There’s a stroking of my ego, yes. But to feel like a valued part of a team is a rarity. I think this is why some people have difficulty leaving jobs. Maybe I finally understand now.
I can only remember few moments that are like these. Mostly in life transitions—like the move from Berkeley to Pittsburgh and the move back from Pittsburgh to the Bay Area. It’s those life transitions that you see the light. And this time, you think, that light is actually quite warm.
I rarely have seen that light, because day after day, I am grounded into cynicism. I often would walk into situations where people would glance at me and dismiss my expertise and skills. Then I would have to sell myself all over again. Or I would feel uncertain and I could feel the headaches overwhelm, pressing into my sides.
This is where I say that I look at the trees and it feels like the leaves are fluttering for me. Do they understand the beauty? Beyond the narcissism, hope comes and the light is so strong. So I hope this lasts.