the meaning of the word "friend" According to the Oxford English dictionary, a friend is defined as “one joined to another in mutual benevolence and intimacy”. This platonic relationship is constructed from a bond between two people who are willing to share a part of themselves with each other. The disagreement lies over what is a “real” friend—a friend as defined—or a “non-real friend”—someone that may partially fulfill the definition of a friend, but lack some parameters. The leap from an acquaintance to a friend is significant because of the differentiation between these two concepts. One can call someone an acquaintance after a mutual meeting—where one is introduced to one another. An acquaintance is not a friend because there is little or no bond between the two people. In an outing for instance, a friend brings another friend to dinner and you are introduced. Although you may have had the chance to make some conversation—perhaps, talking about life in a general, you may not make the extra effort to see the new person again. Although there may be possibility of future friendship, currently there is no foundation for a friendship. The leap happens when the acquaintance fulfils several of the main parameters of the friend category. Suddenly, there is an intimacy of communication. Yet, this is where the additional labeling of friend enters. Someone may be a class friend—someone that you may only see during class but not outside of class. Someone may be an internet friend—someone that you met online and only talk to online. Someone may also be a childhood friend—someone that you were around a lot when younger, but not as much when you are older. These different categories indicate how a particular bond makes a friend different from an acquaintance. All the aforementioned type of categories involves different versions of the parameters of a friend. The main parameters of a friend are: (1) mutual agreement of friendship, (2) caring, (3) trust, and (4) a desire to spend time with each other. Overall, friends share a connection. Within a type of friend, there are varying degrees of each parameter—associating it with a domain. A school friend may be trustworthy enough to work with on a project, for instance. However, a school friend may not be trustworthy enough to baby-sit one’s children. Two people must have a mutual agreement that they are friends. This entails that the two people have met each other at one point and have at least implicitly agreed that they both have established a bond—a connection that directly leads to the three parameters. The contestation occurs where the line lies between an acquaintance and a friend. Some may claim that someone becomes a friend after one year of knowing each other. However, others may state the claim that one becomes a friend after going through a tribulation—an event of bonding—together. Additionally, some claim that school friends or work friends are not “real” friends at all. That is, they are labeled as friends in the domain of school and work, respectively, but they have a missing bond that makes them a “real” friend. These friends may be only acquaintances despite the amount of time spent with them in class, for example. One may feel uncomfortable spending time outside with a friend outside a specific domain. Inviting a friend from work to a private party may feel unusual because a relationship has not been established in this kind of setting previously. One person said that a friend is someone that one “can entrust with the ownership of the house key”. A house key is a mainly symbol of trust, because it allows one entrance in one’s home, considered not only a sacred place of living but the location of precious belongings. One may trust another to have the house key, but the development of a relationship is not sufficient to give a house key. It would be awkward to give the house key to a trustworthy acquaintance because of a lack of mutual compassion—a desire to spend time with each other. This parameter of liking entails a certain level of comfort and security. Yet this too varies among people, especially in different cultures. One person stated while working in China: “For as much time as I spent talking with my coworkers who were very interested in Western culture, I didn't feel like any of them had any interest in my personal life. I had an intuitive sense that talking about my real life would stun and sometimes scare my coworkers, so I rarely spoke about myself on a personal level.” She also describes how she is comfortable telling random strangers about how familial concerns or work goals. In the Chinese culture, in contrast, people are reluctant to share much of their personal lives. By speaking frankly about their personal lives, the Chinese people felt like they had established a mutual connection with her although she did not feel the same way. She felt that the friends were one-sided—that the Chinese felt that she was their friend while she did not feel that they were her friends. Others may have the requirement that they have communicated with each other over a certain period. However, this parameter is correlated with the belief that a length of time may equal the bonding of two people. Several people claim that time is needed for a bond to develop between friends. In this case, knowing someone for a long time may mean that one has a clear definite understanding of one another. However, there may not be trust between the two people. For instance, there is the concept of internet friends. These are friends that one may have spoken often with purely online—through instant messaging. However, the trust may not have been established between the two people, because there is a lack of physical contact. Many ask the question pertaining to internet friends: “How can you be friends with someone you have never met?” This trust issue involves the fact that people can easily fake their physical traits. Yet, internet friends may consistently communicate daily—sharing details of personal lives—similar to friends in person. In place of physical affection, there are textual symbols. Thus, people can establish a communicative bond. Even in the Internet domain, there also exists a leap from acquaintance to friend. Someone becomes a friend if one returns an e-mail or an instant message. The conversation through e-mail and instant messaging is continual—leading to a solid friend. This type of communication is an easy outlet to share personal lives. One may be referred as a friend even though one is not a “real” friend. This occurs dominantly in the INTRODUCTION frame. This frame is directly correlated with POLITENESS. The word friend has the connotation that one is privileged to a status of benevolent compassion. It would be considered rude to introduce someone as an acquaintance rather than as a friend. Someone may say, “This is my friend, Ben” although someone has never had a one-on-one conversation with Ben—a conversation that is essential toward the building of a mutual friendship. This frame also enters the conversation when one wants to signify a special relationship with somebody. One may say, “I know a friend who works in that company” in order to show a privileged tie to a certain domain. However, they may not refer to that person as a friend in a different context. Indeed, there is one definition in the dictionary that says, “friend as applied to a mere acquaintance, or to a stranger, as a mark of goodwill or kindly condescension on the part of the speaker”. Superficially, a friend in this case is where the word acts as a label when the frame of INTRODUCTION is present. The importance and significance of a friend varies throughout life. During childhood, children have friends in order to have playmates during social interactions—games and parties. Girls exchange “friends forever” jewelry—two pendants of circle parts when put together form a full circle. Throughout American culture, this best friends motif is used as a basis of TV shows and movies—the phrase “a friend in need is a friend indeed” is prevalent. As the senior year of high school approaches, people write in their friends’ yearbooks. People at this point want their yearbooks only signed by the “real” friends—the friends who they cared about, embodying the parameters of a friend most succinctly. To receive an empty yearbook is almost embarrassing to claim that one had no friends in high school. However, the importance of friends slowly disappears, as one grows older. Once married, the only friend needed is the significant other. At an older age, one surrounds themselves with people they care about—their family and friends. The value of friends is significant throughout life as a certain group of people that one can trust as much as family. These are the people that one wants to share happiness with, such as in a wedding. Additionally, they are also people that are there to support, such as in a funeral. Culturally, when one wants to wants to have a private ceremony, one invites “friends and family”. In this statement, a friend is stated as similar to a family member. A friend may embody all characteristics of a family member—the mutual relationship, the closeness—without the blood relation. Indeed, the statement “you are like my sister” indicates the closeness. However, there is the impact that a friend may have on one’s life—an influence on one’s decisions. One person stated how he was trying to choose between life and death, but choose life because of a friend who listened—someone who cared. He had realized that in death he would have missed the pleasure of spending time with his friend. This is the largest difference between a friend and an acquaintance. While an acquaintance may slightly alter one’s life decision, a friend has the ability to heavily influence a one’s life decision, because one values the friend’s opinion. Indeed, Ralph Waldo Emerson highlights the value of a friend: “A friend may be well reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” • back to home •