Swing of the wand
\nyou wish to change me.<\/p>\n
You don’t say it,
\nbut I know it.
\nYou are dissatisfied
\nwith the way I look.<\/p>\n
The way I hope
\nThe way I want
\nThe way I wish
\nthat the sky would clear
\nbecause the rain reminds me
\nof my tears.<\/p>\n
You are dissatisfied
\nand you want to swing your wand.<\/p>\n
New clothes.
\nNew personality.
\nNew me.<\/p>\n
You say
\n“Let’s go to the waterfront.
\nLet’s go to change you.
\nPencil me into your schedule,
\nbecause I know how to change you.”<\/p>\n
You’re supposed to accept me
\nfor who I am.<\/p>\n
Why can’t you?
\nWhy can’t you stop
\nwishing to swing your
\nbroken wand
\non me?<\/i><\/p>\n
The past weekend, inspired by a friend’s attempt to write poetry, I was inspired to look at my own poetry. Particularly the ones that I had written in 2005. The ones that captured my wistful emotion and desperation for…love.<\/p>\n
Particularly this one. It’s more than 7 years later and I remember who I wrote this about. He was tall, gawky, Asian, a game designer. His aura was like a video game\u00e2\u20ac\u201dsound effects rampant, common phrases, colors. His favorite store was Diesel\u00e2\u20ac\u201dfor months, he tried to convince me why $70 for a pair of jeans worked just fine.<\/p>\n
He once told me, “I can entertain myself while you shop.”<\/p>\n
I don’t shop. I typically don’t care enough about my appearance to care.<\/p>\n
But in that year, I almost cared. Each criticism, each demand dug at my soul. It was in this poem, I was starting to realize that I didn’t deserve the treatment. It took me an additional 12 months to be stronger again by someone who believed.<\/p>\n
The last time I saw him was at the Riott Music Festival in November 2006 in the lobby. He was standing with two shorter friends. Out of courtesy, I walked up to him and said hello, exchanging pleasantries. He had purchased a condo in SOMA. I had just moved to San Francisco. How are you?<\/i> Fine, thank you.<\/i><\/p>\n
The wand, now 7 years later, has lost its magic.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Swing of the wand you wish to change me. You don’t say it, but I know it. You are dissatisfied with the way I look. The way I hope The way I want The way I wish that the sky … Continue reading