{"id":4431,"date":"2013-09-12T23:50:02","date_gmt":"2013-09-13T06:50:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/of.jennism.com\/?p=4431"},"modified":"2013-09-12T23:50:02","modified_gmt":"2013-09-13T06:50:02","slug":"but-when-someone-older-asks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/?p=4431","title":{"rendered":"But when someone older asks…"},"content":{"rendered":"

A few months ago, a six year old boy asked me, “Why aren’t you married yet?”<\/a><\/p>\n

At the time, I thought that it was rather cute. And really how can I blame the little boy for asking such intrusive questions? I knew that the parents didn’t teach the boy well to respect other decisions. I wasn’t bothered by it all. I only struggled with what I should say or not say in front of conservative parents.<\/p>\n

But then when a friend asked. A friend who has known me for nearly a decade. A friend who I was rather close with when we first met…but then drifted away in the last several years. A pang of pain hit me. It wasn’t the fact that I wanted marriage badly or that I wanted what my friend had (happily married for several years, a 8 month daughter, a large suburban house, a stable corporate job). <\/p>\n

Rather it was the implication that marriage is a status of success and worth.<\/p>\n

I have been raised in a society where marriage is the norm. It is<\/i> what you do. Yet unlike going to elementary school or learning to drive, it’s a sign that one has achieved the life goal. Granted, that’s what religion says. That’s what many baby boomers would say. That’s what ancient societies would say.<\/p>\n

Yet what about this modern society where people have progressed way beyond their means. That a partner isn’t essential for survival. Where a partner is simply just a witness to our lives, to prove that our life is worth living? And if we choose to find other substitutes for the same need?<\/p>\n

There was a time when I imagined my own wedding. That it would all about me. I would have the flowers, the cake (or ice cream), the music, the fancy food, everything. And yes, I still occasionally dream of it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit’s hard not to think of a party that’s just<\/i> for you.<\/p>\n

Yet, I find “why aren’t you married yet” an obnoxious question. Because beneath it all, it’s asking why aren’t you successful yet?<\/i> do you even care about having a partner?<\/i> what is wrong with you?<\/i> why aren’t you normal?<\/i> when can we celebrate you?<\/i><\/p>\n

I don’t know how to answer the question of why aren’t you like the rest of us?<\/i> Because I am not.<\/p>\n

At some level, I realize that these people want me to be happy and for some, they are asking the question out of curiosity, they are asking because they want to know.<\/p>\n

I naturally surround myself with like-minded people. Most of my friends are unmarried. Some are coupled. Some are single. But most importantly, we don’t ask about the why<\/i>. We ask how everyone is. Because we are happy for who they are than what they do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A few months ago, a six year old boy asked me, “Why aren’t you married yet?” At the time, I thought that it was rather cute. And really how can I blame the little boy for asking such intrusive questions? … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4431","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4431","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4431"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4431\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4432,"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4431\/revisions\/4432"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4431"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4431"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/of.jennism.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4431"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}