For the final for my econ\/government class, we had a final project. I don’t remember the exact details of the assignment and what we were supposed to present. Somehow I had the great idea to create a video about myself. Somehow I had an incredible desire to tell the entire class about myself.<\/p>\n
And also, the teacher had given us the option to ask a friend to see our final project be presented. So I chose Rebecca.<\/p>\n
Except all I can remember when I showed the video was how suddenly embarrassed I was.<\/p>\n
In high school, I was incredibly socially anxious. I didn’t want to tell people who I was. Instead, I wanted to bury myself into the background and not be noticed. So that always led to this paradoxical desire\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI desperately wanted to be heard, but not seen.<\/p>\n
So like many brilliant ideas in my life, I had imagined the perfect ideal scenario. I would create an artistic video that summarized everything that I felt, saw, and heard. Everything that was about me. Now the world would understand! Now everyone would grasp at what’s important about me! Now they would get it!<\/i> But unfortunately during the process, I didn’t think deeply about what it meant to actually present the material.<\/p>\n
So on the day of the final project, I played the video that I had carefully created. As I played it, I suddenly was so embarrassed and terrified. I covered my face. My teacher did notice and attempted to yank me out my embarrassment. Embarrassed again, I forced myself to watch…my masterpiece.<\/p>\n
And it was fine. I am pretty sure my high school classmates don’t remember it, especially now it’s more than 15 years ago.<\/p>\n
But this past Monday, I thought\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwhat a great idea to present my “About Me” at my new job. I would show my quirkyness, my fun, and my style. But as usual, this time with years of maturity and confidence, I blasted through it with no fear. But then I realized\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe terror. I have just exposed myself with the silliness of how I viewed life (privately) and how I wanted life to be.<\/p>\n
But then afterwards? Not much, except for the colleagues who already was very interested in my background. So I seeped back into silence and the neverending skulking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
For the final for my econ\/government class, we had a final project. I don’t remember the exact details of the assignment and what we were supposed to present. Somehow I had the great idea to create a video about myself. … Continue reading