2018: Letting Go

Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

In 2010, it was a person. In 2011, it was an idea. In 2012, it was a symbol represented by a person. In 2013, I let go fear. In 2014, I let go of humility (or the desire to appear humble). In 2015, I let go of perfection. In 2016, I let go of expectations. In 2017, I let go of things and people I don’t need.

This year? I thought about the past year and realized that I had already done lot of carving out of things/people that I didn’t need. I am a less stressed out about things hovering around me (minus the actual physical things around me).

What I did let go was constant discovery. The need to try and discover new things. When I first moved to San Francisco, strapped with an expensive apartment, I felt compelled to do something every day, to prove to myself that I was not wasting my time living in San Francisco. I was out each night, always busy every evening, seeing a new person, building friendships. But in the past year, especially after Chris moved in, I am rather content to do the same thing every day and every weekend. Those “netflix and chill” days? Works for me. Eat dinner at the same time every day? Go to sleep!
Sounds good!

I can tell that I am falling into a consistent routine. Part of me worries that all my days will blur together and I’ll become a robot, unaware of the days. So I’ll have to be checking that regularly so that I don’t lose sight of the curiosity and excitement. It’s not that routine means that I can’t be curious or want to try new things. It’s more that now I really want to know that it’s worth it to go beyond my routine.

Perhaps the reason is that I didn’t have something better in my routine. Now I do. The new things often are disappointing and I know that. So if there’s a chance for something interesting and new, prove to me first.

Otherwise, I am thrilled with the routine. The sameness. The contentment of being okay with the way things are.

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