Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

In 2010, it was a person. In 2011, it was an idea. In 2012, it was a symbol represented by a person. In 2013, I let go fear. In 2014, I let go of humility (or the desire to appear humble). In 2015, I let go of perfection. In 2016, I let go of expectations. In 2017, I let go of things and people I don’t need. In 2018, I let go of constant discovery. In 2019, I let go of expectations. In 2020, I let go of uncomfortable pants. In 2021, I let go of rejection. In 2022, I let go about feeling bad about rejection. 2023, I let go about being upset when others are upset.

Well, what can I say? I am still the same person, the same body, and same mind as I was at the beginning of this year and right now. But next year, I will be completely different. So what am I actually letting go?

Although I have prepared for the last few years, by the end of this year, I had to let go of the fact that I could not sensibly know what would happen in the next week, the next month, the next year. In the ideal world, everything would be the same. In the worst case scenario, it wouldn’t. And it would be fine. I had to let go of control. And when I didn’t have control, especially faced with uncertainty, I would spiral in the worst way possible. There’s death and health that makes this all the more plausible. Or the hope for the future.

In August, I thought that would be planning for a trip in September. Another hiking trip. I thought about all the things and was slowly gathering everything that we would need. And then suddenly it wasn’t. Then a few months later, I thought that we would be going to LA regularly to take care of his mom’s estate and then I discovered a serious illness that disrupted everything. Everything that I thought would happen couldn’t happen or maybe it could, but I wouldn’t know. It was devastating, but also freeing. Because sometimes to my surprise, I was available and sometimes I was thankfully unavailable. Even if I had control and certainty, the outcome was sometimes even generally the same.

Is this what not planning looks like?