Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
In 2010, it was a person. In 2011, it was an idea. In 2012, it was a symbol represented by a person. In 2013, I let go fear. In 2014, I let go of humility (or the desire to appear humble). In 2015, I let go of perfection. In 2016, I let go of expectations. In 2017, I let go of things and people I don’t need. In 2018, I let go of constant discovery. In 2019, I let go of expectations. In 2020, I let go of uncomfortable pants. In 2021, I let go of rejection.
It’s so interesting that I let go of rejection. Because whether I truly let it go, I actually encounter a lot of acceptances this year (albeit with a good share of rejections).
So I first said that I let go of expectations, but I realized that I said that in 2019. Rather as I rewrite this, it’s about the fact that I let go about feeling bad about not meeting expectations. In doing so, all I can see are the expectations that I met and I feel good about them.
Whether or not I met my own expectations, I am happy with all of it. I don’t even remember what I set out to do and didn’t achieve. I just saw something, worked toward and it may have happened…and maybe it never did. But it’s likely that I let go of feeling bad about not achieving. It’s a different kind thing than rejection. Because it encompasses things that I didn’t achieve. The most glaring one is that I still haven’t finished my next draft of my novel.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s not good that I have built up the ability to block uncomfortable things in memory. Like to process those traumatic moments out of my memory. I really don’t remember them. And because I don’t remember them, I have no feelings that linger. Or maybe they weren’t traumatic at all. I saw the rejection/inabilities and just moved on. I don’t want to linger on those things on any more.