I never liked cowards.

I remember my former best friend who was so afraid of everything. She was afraid of getting a bad grade, afraid of not achieving her goals, afraid of authority, afraid of disobedience, afraid of seeking her independence, but most of all, she was afraid of…being kidnapped. Years later, I think that I probably projected everything I disliked about myself onto her. So is that why, she grated on my nerves so much at the end of our \”friendship\”?

Anyway, I thought about today how I always thought the nuances of new people I meet were just…very \”cute\”. How one person would laugh at almost everything. How one person would swing their arms like hitting a baseball. How a person\’s voice would squeak when they get excited. But these are only at first, some of these things get so annoying later.

One of my friends commented a few months ago how my mom didn\’t seem like the typical passive Chinese woman. It was obvious to her that my mom was the assertive type. And surprisingly after decades of my omnipresent social anxiety, I am very assertive too. Sometimes to the point of controlling. I would hate the idea of having to be dependent on anyone. The idea of relying on someone to drive me to places is so appalling that I know I would rather walk or take public transportation. I don\’t want to be that someone who is afraid of those big bad cars.

By the way, today must have been the 1000th time I heard someone say \”I don\’t know anything about computers\”. :(