Did I always want to rebel against the mainstream? I don\’t know what\’s up with my style, but I prefer not to do things most people are doing. And yet that is almost contradictory to my constant desire to be accepted.

I like watching movies that most people don\’t watch, attend art shows that most people don\’t see, walk in areas that most people refuse to walk, say things that people would not normally say, and don\’t succumb to peer pressure. Well, usually. Ok maybe not. My choice of clothes is relatively…normal.

But is it because rebelling against the mainstream culture perceived as a good thing? One of my friends told me several months ago that he admired the fact that I stood up for my own values–I stubbornly refuse to bow down to my friends\’ pressure…

My 6th grade teacher\’s motto was don\’t be normal, be different! I adopted that motto for a few years to justify my outcast status in school. Being different is good. Right? But ultimately, it\’s all about not caring about what others think and so many of us are stuck worrying about ourselves…even though nobody cares because they are worrying about themselves.

So I have a presentation for my Methods class tomorrow. Public speaking is one of my least favorite things to do. I once had to give a short 4 minute talk to 300+ freshmen. Not once, not twice, but thrice. 900 people total. Every second seemed like an hour.