Recently, my sister watched a video of a family trip to Washington D.C. more than 10 years ago. In one scene, she was shouting into the video camera showing off all the goodies she gathered. I stood complacently to the side, almost mute. She told me about a scene where she and I were playing on the rocks near the shore. She was close to the shore, having crawled over many rocks, throwing pebbles in the ocean. I instead had just crawled over one jagged rock, watching her throw pebbles. Just standing as if I was afraid to go any further.

The funny thing is that I still haven\’t changed that much. My personality is still very timid and reserved. A few months ago, when I went to Portland, I went with a few friends to visit a waterfall. There was a large area with logs and large rocks. Everyone else went crazy climbing over the rocks to see how far they could get in the river. I hesitantly walked across one log that was set across the river…and that was as far as I got. To me now, I consciously was afraid of falling and didn\’t want to risk. But I am so much like my timid, reserved self of 10 years old.

It\’s interesting how we don\’t change at all. Not internally. Sure some people can say I am no longer a mute (and that I tend to blurt a lot of things that are on my mind), but internally some personality traits don\’t change. I still have this awful shyness that overwhelms me when I am in a new situation with unfamiliar people. I still smile ridiculously for no reason. I still let my sister run the show in big situations.

But then what are the things that can change when I am this old?