I still believe that I am an introvert by nature. When I was younger, my inability to speak (normally) prevented me from socializing that well. In home videos, you could see me being mute, shaking my head when someone spoke to me. I was happy being silent and quiet. But through middle school and high school, I felt like I was missing out. I didn\’t like not being part of the group, being an outcast.

So in undergrad, some could say I went through a major change. I made friends easily. During those 4 years, people viewed me as the hub. The Jenn portal, one person said. I knew many people. I got to know them well and always naturally bought together. Despite all of that, I still had more online friends than people in person. At work, I relished the social life. I felt like I had a place. Yet, I still kept to myself. I went home on the weekends. I spent most of my days in my room. What social life I had was talking online, eating an occasional lunch with friends, talking to people when I ran into them at Soda Hall or class, or seeing the occasional movie.

And now in graduate school, in my second year, for whatever reason, I have been labeled an extrovert. Yes, I should do away with labels. It\’s so strange that people say that I am \”extroverted\”. Is it because I am \”managing\” two projects? In particular, in one project, I make plans for the team and am the liasion with our contacts? Is it because nowadays my desire to get something done is greater than my anxiety of speaking up?

This guy wrote about how to go from introvert to extrovert. But all it reminds me is when I spent a lot of time reading Dale Carnegie\’s How to Make Friends and Influence People. I have a love-hate relationship with people. I hate how they can take away all my energy and can influence how I feel. But I love how they provide so much insight, so many things I never thought of.

I am still afraid to participate in large groups. I still get an awful awkward feeling after talking to someone new after one minute. I still get a horrible knot feeling when I have to ask a customer representative for help in a store. The idea of sending a dish back to the kitchen horrifies me. And I still have trouble asking people for directions.