Well not this one, but the first blog that I had which was hosted on the now-defunct scribble.nu Sure I had a pseudo-blog on my geocities website, but that was barely of note.
My first entry was on September 27, 2010 at 1:44 AM and it started like this:
It’s early in the morning now. Just a few minutes ago, my dorm neighbor ceased from a vicious phone call. His voice echoed from his room into my room through the window in the airy night.
Then I started rambling about how much I think. Particularly around social status. And then I started describing an embarrassing—well not really embarrassing, but awkward moment in the dining commons.
Earlier today (or yesterday depending on your perspective), I once encountered my major personal conflict. Being forced to make conversation. Of course, it seems so trivial that I should be worried about such a minor detail. However, fulfilling expectations and that innate human desire to please everyone bothered me throughout dinner. Funny as it was, I remember watching a girl with a huge scoop of mashed potatoes on her plate. Much too huge. After I gathered my food from the miniscule selection for dorm residents, I headed straight to a two seater table intending to enjoy my meal in beautiful silence.
Unfortunately, as my luck would have it. The other innate human desire to socialize prevailed in that girl with mashed potatoes. She had walked to the other side of the dining room, but suddenly spun to my table and promptly asked, “Is this seat taken?” I could only sputter, “Uh, no.” “So how are you today?” she asked. “Good…” I began thinking whether I should attempt a conversation. “How about you?”
“Fine, thank you.”
I nodded and looked down at my food. I realized that I did not have a fork to cut my ham. We sat in silence for the next five minutes. Abruptly the girl as quickly as she sat down got up. “It was nice eating with you,” she smiled.
I gave an ironic smile back. Yes very nice. I do love silence.
I smile looking back, because that memory imprinted on me for years to come. I would describe it as proof of my awkwardness in college. I would describe it when friends would lavish how much they loved living in the dorms. It wasn’t that I did not enjoy living there, I just didn’t know how to take advantage of it.
That day started a daily “journal” that has gone on for every day since. I nearly maintained a very regular daily regimen of blogging/journaling. But in the last 4 years, I have cut back because I have finally gotten myself away from the computer. To do what normal people do. Be not at the computer. But every chance that I get…I will write. I constantly write.
There was once when I was so upset that a friend asked me to do whatever I normally do to un-upset myself. Easy. I sat down in front of my computer and started writing.