Back then vs. Now

Back then. I used to:

  • Have more online friends than IRL friends
  • Spend my evenings at my computer (for lack of social life, mobility, money)
  • Chat for hours online on AIM with people I had never met in person
  • Hold “phone conferences with up to 6 people on the line
  • Online DRAMAH was the word
  • Now…it has transitioned into “normalcy”! I have found different avenues to fill my needs of companionship, of relationships, of…being needed, of being useful, of being a real person and a friend.

    Roger Ebert describes it accurately in a recent post.

    I was in all words then lonely. Social anxiety, sheltered-ness, lack of social skills, word fumbling kept me from interacting with the real world. There was a horrible moment that I had at my high school reunion on Saturday that made me realize that yes, I had came a long way, but it was so easy to slip back to who I used to be. A lonely soul that only wanted to be recognized and most importantly, accepted.

    I had sought the internet and it satisfied me. It still does. Like the way I write now. I place the words in this box—sometimes I have my music on, usually to soundtracks as of late. I think now about the moments now when I am lonely. It’s less. When I am alone, it’s not that I think of how I am missing out…or how I was cruelly rejected. Rather, I am preparing for something—cooking, cleaning, sleeping…writing. Or I am sending an email, making a comment on Facebook, or sharing something on Twitter.

    There will be one day though in the future though…that I’ll remember that feeling of loneliness again.

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