When someone says upon discovery that I don’t drink, “But then you miss out on being drunk!”

I say, “Well you haven’t been with me after an hour or so at a bar…with the right people.”

Usually there are two things that happen at bars (or house parties):

1. I get super bored after an hour because the crowd isn’t that interesting, but showing my gratitude for the invitation is often the reason that I stay—even if the small talk with people is horrible.

2. I get super hyper and say things that I shouldn’t say. I tell the stories of that one crazy night at a pizza parlor back in college or an insane adventure running throughout San Francisco. I interrupt people, make crass judgments, slam my hands on the table, and talk obnoxiously loud. And laughter pours out and…well I forget the insecurity and anxieties that I normally harbor. Anything goes.

Today after number two happened, my coworker commented, “Look at you—you seem to exhibit all characteristics of someone who is super drunk.”

Then 15 minutes later, I hopped in my car and drove the 50 miles back to San Francisco from Mountain View.