It probably is surprising to many people, but there was once when I would say “no” to everything.

Most of the time, it’s because I anticipated that it would end up awkward—I would be standing in the back saying nothing struggling with something to say. The fear of rejection was too great.

Yet I remember vividly when I was 16 coming to the realization that I was missing something so hard to describe. But what could I do? Could I go to the downtown of the suburb and wait for something to happen?

It’s strange now. After so many years of breaking that very first habit, when it’s midnight and a weekend night (and alone), I am yearning to be searching for adventure. I want to have all my energy sucked out until there is literally nothing left. Recently, I started a subscription to Netflix to be a homebody—to keep myself from earnestly having my ears open…and to be happy that I will be sleeping soon. Since who really wants to be waking up at 1 pm at my age?