95% of me hates the spotlight

From time to time, I imagine myself performing on stage. I imagine singing, pulling the audience in and in. Or I am a comedian…where suddenly I am on the roll, making people laugh, cry, scream.

In my high school yearbook, partly facetious and partly serious, I wrote for the question “Where do you see yourself in 10 years”: “A drummer in LA”.

I always wondered what most people thought.

I love the spotlight. Or at least that’s the inner side of me speaking.

It hasn’t changed, but suddenly when I get a few chances to be in the spotlight, I want to hide. I hate giving speeches in front of people. I hate giving presentations. I hate singing or dancing. Sports, don’t even ask.

Yet I crave for it. The small part of me, thinks how exciting it will be. So I plan and plan and plan for such moments. As part of a greater goals. Because I think that I tell everyone my design plans better than my colleagues. Because I know more about ice cream than anyone else in the room. Because I want people to know about the project. Because I have a question that nobody has yet asked.

The two things that I failed in school were this:

1. Skills test. I could never hit a ball with a bat or racket. Or catch. Or anything that required physical coordination.

2. Participation. I was a mute although if you talked to me through the computer screen or on paper, I had too much to say.

And so for my kickstarter project, I knew that there would be endless publicity and am thrilled for this article. Yet I want to fade into the wallpaper. My name is out there. My reputation. My my…what will people think of me.

But the greatest thing of this society (at least for things like this):

Everyone forgets the name. who was that…person…who did that ice cream thing? what was it called? who is that crazy?

(And shoutout for my project! More than three-fourths of the way there!)

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