I am incapable of knowing whether I will enjoy something. Most of the time, I see adventure! fun for all! and I think…yes! i will have fun too! i am in!

So I imagine myself in the situation. Smiling. Laughing. Enjoying myself.

This is what happened for the Inca Trail. I listened to my friends rave about the hikes, the natural beauty and the camping. And the you feel different when you’re so close to nature. I ignored the one friend who said that it wasn’t what she expected. Yes, the food was amazing but I did not enjoy it. It wasn’t because I wasn’t prepared enough or that I had too much equipment. Unlike many, I don’t see nature and sense awe. Instead, I look and see just trees, leaves, hills. I am often in anguish when others describe their awe and say that all humans must know it. I don’t. I didn’t enjoy the Inca Trail.

So I think that I put myself in situations in hopes that I will be like everyone else. Constantly. I say, why yes, let’s do that public speaking event. Let’s organize that huge event. That sounds like fun!

Tonight, I decided that I wanted to go on the bike ride to see the lighting of The Bay Lights. Rain! someone cautioned. With people that I knew that I didn’t vibe with. So I went anyway. But 5 minutes in, I knew that it wasn’t for me.

I do that sometimes. When I am perfectly happy (but itching) sitting at home and writing.