All it took was a combination of these things:

And suddenly I felt like I was back in 2003. Not my body though. My body was very well in the present, still recovering from the “flu” and feeling like early 30s. But it was my mind. The emotions specifically. I felt like I did in my early twenties—hopeful, fearful, mostly anxious, a suffocating feeling that I wasn’t doing enough, not living enough, trapped.

But maybe I am cynical. It wasn’t that bad, was it? That summer of 2003, I was hopeful. I saw a boy that was my second choice. I was starting my final year in college. I interned at a silly tech company in Santa Clara. I was applying to graduate school. I read career books. I (barely) studied for the GRE and LSAT. I was afraid of parties. And I spent all my spare time in front of a computer, typing away at instant message screens.

And the feelings of suffocation. Maybe my 2015 felt suffocated by those memories. Regret? Displeasure? Hope?