My last surgery was in 2006 when I was a young 24 for THE hand. I briefly blogged about the pre-op and post-op experience, which barely was anything. I remember being in more pain than necessary because I decided that I wanted to harvest bone from my hip than use synthetic. What was I thinking! I don’t remember being told much of complications or risks. As noted, I asked about consent as I was being wheeled into the OR, but then nothing!

And now older and wiser…and put into a position that I should do yet another highly recommended but elective surgery, I have too much information. I have watched the videos and read articles about the risks. I have searched on Google, Twitter, Facebook about the thing. Horror stories surface. I read about the fear and anxiety. And even though I was completely calm and more annoyed at the disruption to my routine, it caused me to think a bit more. What if I don’t wake up? What if I am deformed? What if what if? But it’s all very ridiculous, of course. I am young and healthy. I have a safety net in case things go awry. I had an easy recovery last time, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. But but but! Knock on wood.

Interestingly, they offered me this podcast—specifically a combination of meditation and imagery practice. My immediate impulse is obviously, that this isn’t for me. I am not anxious. I don’t need this. But of course, there was a whole mention about how in research studies, it proved useful in decreasing recovery time and increasing healing (although I have to think that the people inclined to do this had healthy practices, to begin with).

On my last day before, I’ll prepare with a few things as recommended—antiseptic wipes, carbohydrate drink, the last shower, the last meal. And then maybe I’ll see you soon on the other side.

This time, do I want to ask for a video? Not sure!