I felt guilty when it came time to share our one word of the day. I couldn’t lie about the words that came into mind. And in previous days, I would try to think of another word that could match everyone else. I wanted to say something that reflected my desire to connect and mindfulness, but it wasn’t me. More than anything, I knew that I had to be authentic and say what it was on mind, without worrying about what others think even if what I say may offend or feel disruptive.

So I said checkboxes because the idea that I would check off a list of tasks completely appealed to me. And I don’t know if it manifested itself into my day. But I did exactly that.

Ever since I had thought very carefully about behavior design when I designed and worked on health and wellness apps, I learned that I was someone who was an Upholder, from Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies. I was someone who would nearly achieve every single goal, often even if we didn’t really want to. We hold ourselves accountable to others and ourselves. But our biggest conflict—did we really want to do the thing that we set ourselves to do?

I had started using this new goal tracking app with Chris—a fun bird-based one with tons of animations and little digital currency. And the idea of checking off a goal on it appealed to me and just checking it off was so so so exciting.

But the whole point of why I started writing is simply so that I can brag about what I did. Partly I am writing this list to remind myself about what happens when I decide to make tasks and also what happens when Chris is busy and occupied (he was volunteering at the White Elephant Sale):

• Write 1000 words obviously as part of #1000wordsofsummer
• Research a few prompts from my past notebooks and the Write Now! book for the future days, setting up topics about how I will finally write about THE cancer
• Vacuum as much as I could, mostly the rugs in the bedrooms and underneath a bed. I rediscovered the God Box and I think that I had created it as a result of The Artist’s Way, but I can’t remember what it was for
• Cleaned and scrubbed the toilet
• Made a chicken Vietnamese salad from the boneless meat from the Costco rotisserie chicken, jalapeno, mint and basil from the farmer’s market
• Trimmed dead leaves from various plants
• Do the daily PT of those triceps kickbacks, planks, superwoman, scaption???, child’s pose, door hinge, openbook
• Put away socks
• Remove the comforter duvet and tried to scrub out stains
• Actually take my daily vitamins and refill the pill box
• Get cash from Chase
• Buy bananas, peaches, and cucumber