\”Do you want me to come home?\” I asked my mom about Thanksgiving.

She looked at me hard. Immediately, out comes all of this anxiety about a flight home during the holidays. About how hard it would be to book a ticket. And how much traffic there would be on the way getting back. And just what a hassle it would be for me to fly back from Pittsburgh.

Although my mom did have a point (albeit weak). I always do what I want to do. And I rarely do what others want me to do. And of course, she brought up how I insisted on going to Minnesota last year. And how I went to Los Angeles that one time during freshman year. Not to mention, how I went on a road trip to Irvine two years ago. And how I go to San Diego at least once a year to visit my sister although she and my dad thinks it\’s a waste of time. (No wonder my parents don\’t believe in me spending that much time in talking on aim.)

For the last 3 years, my parents have been against my sister coming home during Thanksgiving since she\’s in San Diego (she came home last Thanksgiving when before she spent the weekend alone in SD). It\’s kind of very bothersome for me, because I see all my socal friends going home all the time. If it\’s not once a month, it\’s once a week. I think it\’s because my parents both went away for school (my dad went overseas for both undergrad and grad; my mom just went to the other side of the city and just studied all the time) and thus never really bred a strong interest in family ties. There are some people who would say that I am close to my parents, but rather it\’s more about the fact that I am not well enough financially.

So now my mom is grumbling about how I want to bring two bags of clothes (my entire wardrobe), a sleeping bag, a box of my books (THE journals!), my posters, my desktop (and accessories). Not to mention all these random bags and other things I have collected over the years. All of this ANXIETY just as I return from San Diego. One of the first things my dad asked me when I got into the car was whether I was going to bring 3 boxes of checkin to Pittsburgh. Rather, he insisting that I should have only 3. Of course, being me, I went beserk and said that 3 was not enough. And basically how if I didn\’t bring the right things, I won\’t feel comfortable in a new place at home. It is very important to me to feel at least…that something is my own rather than arrive at a completely new city, a new house, new housemates, new room with only two bags of \”things\” I really need.

Yes, I need my yellow lemon poster and Van Gogh\’s The Starry Night on the wall. Then any room can be truly my room.

2 thoughts on “

  1. i remember the first time i saw your starry night poster, it was on top of your monitor at your euclid place :)

  2. I always bring a lot of personal knick knacks to make me feel at ease/more at home as well.. otherwise, I get an overwhelming sense of loss and displacement :(

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