For the first time in a long time, I played a sport today. A real sport, mind you. My program is forming a softball team for the summer and out of a guilt trip, I joined it. So today was the first practice.
Once I got to the field, I suddenly felt this flashback of bad memories. The time when I was on a winning volleyball team, but we lost the finals because of me. The time when I got hit in the head with a softball and I had to wear my glasses with tape wrapped around the nosepiece.
And the last time I had picked up a bat was in high school, sophomore year. I was once of those kids. I couldn\’t hit. I couldn\’t catch. I couldn\’t throw. I failed all the skills tests. And…I have this immense inferiority complex along with an explosive tantrum edge. So the teacher tried to teach me the right form. I felt singled out and totally defined as an outsider in the class (the loser, the one who couldn\’t be like everyone else) as I was told to hit the fence. Over and over again. I started crying. I didn\’t want to be like that, embarrassed in front of people who didn\’t know who I was. I hated PE. She asked me if I was alright as class finally was over…and I said no. She couldn\’t say anything to that.
On a side note, that was the only class I got a C in high school. :)
But yeah those flashbacks overwhelmed me…but to my surprise, I overcame that. Somehow this time around, I wasn\’t really an outsider. As a result, I had a little more confidence in myself. Even though I couldn\’t hit most the balls or catch most of the balls, I was able to play sufficiently. And it was fun.