There was a Chinese saying that my parents would say which basically meant “Be careful or you’ll get tricked.”

But the literal translation was “Be careful or he’ll get take off your pants.”

For years, I never thought much of it. Just yet another parental warning. But lately, I am piqued by its origin.

Why was there so much fear that the man will be the predator? Is man naturally given the choice to be jealous and possessive? Why does society suggest that all men are sexual predators. That they can’t just simply be friends with a girl/woman? Or heaven forbid, a best friend?

In a relationship, I find it important to know his friends and I expect him to get to know my friends. It’s interesting to me how two people can go into a relationship and…simply disappear. The significant other cannot understand completely who I am without knowing my friends. Perhaps my friends will know a part of me that he can’t easily access.

There was once a boy called me mysterious. Too mysterious, he said, and said that was his reason he couldn’t stay. I try not to be mysterious anymore in my secretive afraid state. But there is always the friend that can get out my cynical side. The friend that can get out the vulnerability. And yet another who knows my detail-orientedness…or perhaps the lack thereof. The boy can never figure it out all (because isn’t that what a relationship is…a journey of discovery), but perhaps my friends will paint a map for the paths he seeks.