Five years ago if I walked into a large party where I knew only the host, I would have stuck to the walls, like a true wallflower. Hovering around the food and drinks table, I would pretend to be occupied with something—anything to not look like I was socially inept. Perhaps I would step outside the room for a moment and check my phone as if there was a message, but there wouldn’t be anything. And if someone started talking to me, I would try my best to say somethig—but my words would tumble out awkwardly and perhaps uninviting.

Well, five years later, I still haven’t changed much. I still do the same awkward, idiotic things—the nervous eating of food and the constant aimless refilling of my cup. But somehow, I have improved my conversational ability—making opening statements and following up small talk.

And now with Chris accompanying me, I would like to say it’s easier. He is after all the epitome of relate-ability—being able to strike up a conversation with anybody. And sometimes with people I would not expect—the bartender at a large event, the sound guy at a concert, the pretty girl standing by herself at a party.

What’s interesting that he rejects social media—preferring to talk to people directly, bypassing online, digital methods. I embrace social media from twitter, facebook, yelp, blogs… There was once I said without the internet, I would not be here. First said in 2004. At time, right after I said it, I was immediately embarrassed—it was my introductory line to a huge group of people I was meeting for the first time. But my inner outspoken self couldn’t help it.

Looking back, it’s true. Without this outlet—social media, I wouldn’t have been able to find a voice. I started exploring chat rooms in 1996 and officially blogging/journaling in 2001. By 2002, I was part of huge communities and established a significant online persona—meeting people online almost constantly. My friends then spanned the globe—and I knew more people online than offlline. By 2004, I had my share of intense friendships and relationships. The few people I knew “offline” thought this whole concept of meeting people online was…so foreign—after all, how can you be friends with someone you have never met?

I can.

With social media, I am at an equal plane with everyone. I can speak as loudly as everyone. My words don’t sound any different from the next—no mispronunciations, no accent. My gender, my ethnicity gone. And only the core of my personality and identity is left. And no intense facial expressions, no immediate demanding responses. I can be as open as the super extroverted, gregarious person. I can be bubbly!

But perhaps that’s what creates the anti-social-media-type people. It’s anonymous. It’s self-promoting. It’s individualistic. It takes away some identity.

For now, it has helped me reach further than I could without it. I always wonder how I would be like in an alternate universe, an alternate time—would I be like the sulky teenager I was at 16 wondering what I was missing?