“When are you getting married?” Vikas point-blank asked me last night. “All my Chinese friends are getting married.”
I laughed in response, because as a result of attending friends’ weddings and massive reunion planning, I had been thinking of how my ideal wedding or celebration would be. Perusing etsy, Wai-Ching, and Off Beat Bride, I already had ideas for the food (BBQ), grand entrance (not normal), drinks (not just an open bar), flowers (not live)…
I know some people (obviously) female who have been planning their dream wedding since they were 6. I wasn’t like that…
But despite my planning and idealizing, I believe that such a celebration should be reserved when I have enough money. And when I have figured my life out—happy in career, network of friends, and living location.
The question I need to answer first is: Can you be happy alone?
When I can easily say yes, then I know I am ready for the next step.
It’s a question that my grandparents asked me and I brushed it off quickly, assuming that they asked because they wanted grandchildren. I said simply when the time is right.
Obviously opposed to Prop 8, I saw this article recently—the idea that a (straight) woman refused to marry because it’s just an institutional and religious thing. In some way, I agree. I don’t need society to tell me what marriage is. But it’s a hard and fast term. At one point during an interview, the hiring manager suddenly told me that there were two people on the team that were married. I was surprised, unsure what that meant. Of commitment, of dedication, of limited time at work?
What the article really is referring to is the legal term or marriage—the tax benefits, the automatic citizenship, the legal right to hospital visitation, etc. Sure, I agree…I believe that any commitment should have those rights.
Why does marriage have to be a heavy and loaded term? I have a relative that had two wives—right when the world was starting to look down upon the idea of multiple wives.
Why is marriage necessary? Why would the lack of marriage lead to separation? And what is the difference between a marriage and a commitment ceremony if only the former is commitment with legal benefits? Why not just have a court marriage then?
But regardless of all that, I will wait until I am ready (and have that extra 30k ready to spend). In the mean time, I’ll plan out my wedding party and guest list.