Yesterday on my facebook feed, I spotted a new photo from a friend. A friend I had met at SXSW 2007 and then saw her again at the Web conference last year. She was nice, although I think she realized that she was significantly older than me.
We barely kept in touch. I being in San Francisco and she begin in San Francisco. Yesterday night however, I noticed that…her last name was different. I clicked on her profile. On her wall, I saw notes of “congratulations!” and “i love you!” It was full of happy tear-streaked shrieks and pleasant greetings—the things that happen after a perfect wedding.
How could I have missed it? I am a person who keeps tabs on people—some people would say almost to the point of stalking. And yet, I have fallen in my obsessiveness. It gnawed at me even after I posted an obligatory congratulations and how much I would love to see her if I ever come to the east coast.
And even so, I only had emailed a friend recently when our mutual friend mentioned she was engaged. Engaged since April and I wasn’t even aware! I had been very surprised since she and I went through a phase of “He’s not into you” right after graduate school. I remember a moment at a friend’s birthday that…we had indulged ourselves silly with waffles and ice cream for breakfast. Who cares when there’s not a single boy! we had declared.
I find out in the last few months that another friend is married, another engaged, another broke up with a significant other. It’s all happiness. But the thing is…I keep tabs on those who are close to me. Those I choose to be involved with nearly every other day, every week. I know the secrets, the whispers of betrayal, the indecisive moments.
Brad Pitt recently advised never broadcast relationship status. I agree. I plainly and purposefully do not broadcast my relationship status. I prefer people to ask me and find out. I have a preference of male friends and don’t want an attachment to cloud the potential in this heterosexual world.
I don’t like feeling out of the loop. But somehow I am glad that I have yet to receive a wedding invitation this year. (Oh except you, Karen, but I haven’t received a card yet). My sister has been invited to more than 6 weddings in a span of one year. I am glad that I am not obligated.
I wish there was a way to filter friends by relationship status. And then find the ones who choose not to. Do they think like me? Are they less desperate?