Hanging out with the girls

I saw an invite to a day in Napa Valley. A day out with the girls, it read. Drinking wine, etc etc. Perhaps throw in a facial, mani-pedi, and a massage.

I was terrified. I imagined myself, trapped in a world that I don’t belong. Awkwardly talking to other girls as they drank wine and casually asking…no, just a bit more polish.

A few weeks ago, I had a meeting with a female colleague and I heard about her exploits with her girlfriends. The trips, the shopping, how much fun it was.

And then I realized how much I preferred going out with the guys to a super-low-brow movie with beer drinking or a monster track rally where I would enjoy myself watching boys get riled up over crushing metal. When I think of shopping, I feel much more at home in an electronics store than a makeup counter or purse rack.

Was there something wrong with me? My last time at a salon made me feel small and inadequate, perhaps because I didn’t know how facials work or the tsk tsk of the beautician as she looked at my face. Or that time at the MAC counter when I so naively said that I didn’t know how foundation worked when out of embarrassment, I spent $40 without thinking just so that I could leave the store. There’s a mixture of social anxiety there, but I never felt at home being feminine.

And yet the idea of hanging out with a group of girls I don’t know or hanging out with a group guys i don’t know…it’s most likely I would choose the latter. What would I talk about with girls??

It’s not that I am a tomboy in any way. I am not coordinated enough for sports—I have a slight disinterest in throwing stuff. But I love tagging along with the boys—seeing the immaturity, observing the absurd masculinity…and ultimately not feel like I am “competing” with them.

On Sunday, a friend was appalled to find that I had no female best friend. I haven’t had one since the 7th grade when the BFF was only let’s-compete type. Of course, there’s my sister. But who do I tell about my relationship issues, the PMS issues (what I still claim I do not have), etc? The same people who happen to be the opposite gender.

Harry is wrong because sex never gets in the way. Only whether they are as good at using Google as I am.

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