“Her skin is too dark,” his mother said with a disapproving tone.

I laughed when I heard about it later. It was ridiculous. Growing up, whenever I was asked “what I was”, I would quickly respond, “a carbon based being with four appendages.”

Despite being of the same ethnicity (Chinese), I realized today…that this was almost…racism. But unlike other “brown” people, I wasn’t as troubled. I am idealistic hoping for the best—hoping that all my better merits will shine through. My graduate degree, my generic middle-class upbringing…etc. And yet…

Despite all the issues happening today from the BP castastrophe to greening the earth, it’s racism that troubles me the most. It’s this essay that reminded me how fragile society is. If the issue was easy, there wouldn’t be controversy.

My own issue: why do I know more Asians than non-Asians?

Do I choose people because…they look like me? And why do I find myself relate more easily to Asians? Particularly ABCs. Do I naturally try harder? And why doesn’t it work for non-Asians? I don’t deliberately put a guard up between me and non-Asians…but I can sense it’s there.

Of course, I didn’t choose Chris because he was Asian. But rather because he just fit. And like all relationships, I don’t see his race. (Although I appreciate that we share similar Asian frugal spending styles.) I saw him.

At my cousin’s wedding in July, I was shocked to see that nearly his entire guestlist was Asian. Despite the fact that he grew up and went to college in Michigan. What happened?

In San Francisco, I live in a building that is all Caucasian (except me). My neighbors are also Caucasian. This is the first time that I have made that observation.

Am I a poseur? I want to be completely diversified by deliberately putting myself with those who are different. And yet I surround myself still with those…who almost look like me?