I am fearless

Well not really.

There was a time in my life where I would plan to go to an activity. I would go there…realize that it was full of people who I didn’t know…and I would walk out. Or going to a context…something that I had never done in my life…and frantically flee.

Knowing my limits nowadays, I drag someone along (e.g. Chris) to counter my anxiety or…primarily, I act as if nobody will notice that I am not there.

Today, I did pilates. A class that I had never done. In a room of people who I did not know. At a place that I had never visited. And an instructor who I never had learned from. But I sucked it up. It was horrible of course, not knowing if I fit in or not. But after awhile, I was ok.

Other examples: visiting outdoors stores having no idea what outdoors really means, going to lululemon and being asked how I worked out (not sure how I was supposed to answer)…

I suppose this is the reason that people don’t join new clubs on their own unless they know someone. Fearless is an admirable trait, but it’s something that keeps society from falling into chaos.

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