At first, embarrassment overcomes me as pinkness oozes into my cheeks. Yet the urge to compete and win is so overwhelming.

I don’t like to show a stranger my anxiety, my insanity, my irrationality. So I try my best to blend in. But in every single game, I find it easy to play as the clueless player. Because most of the time, I truly really don’t have an idea what I am doing. In board games and video games.

The colorful board pieces, the detailed instructions, the buttons that need mashing…I almost tune out. And I don’t want to be the one that says, “Now I hear that you just gave out instructions. But in case that I didn’t understand, can you repeat it?”

Yup, that’s me. In the midst of groans.

So the games when a select few play undercover, I immediately retreat to playing for what just entertains me. For what causes the most chaos. For what seems the most entertaining and disruptive. Or just cluelessly destroying anything in my path as I plow through the board. Or being that one character on the screen, jumping up and down punching in the air in the corner because I didn’t know that I was supposed to be fighting the crazy looking red monster. Of course, I didn’t know!

Yup, that’s me.