Today marks the 125th day

Since I was last in the office. Since technically shelter in place started for me in effect when work mandated that everyone across the company work from home.

I remember distinctly how it felt then. I was angry at the people who were congregating in small spaces. I had a cold or a flu (but not covid) and was acutely aware of how I was going to be perceived by others. I was annoyed at everyone. I was also annoyed at myself for catching something.

But I was thinking that it was going to be temporary.

In fact, that Thursday, I left around 6 pm as I noticed coworkers saying to each other, “I guess that I’ll see you next month!”

I had been pulled into some intense meetings earlier that day, missing the initial company-wide announcement. It wasn’t a choice I wanted to make. And so when I stepped out of those intense meetings, I felt like…something was different. But I gathered as much of my personal things as possible and went home.

And then it was wfh then.

And then things got bigger. There were moments of light. Then it became dark again.

I settled in a routine. Happy with things. But then filled with a certain kind of existential dread. What does this means for my future? What does this mean for the plans that now won’t pan out? What does this mean for everyone I know? What does this mean for the people I hope to know? What does mean?

In some way, most of my goals in life can now be accomplished digitally. I have done almost many things that required to be in person whether it’s travel or being public. But what about all the opportunities that could have been there?

Sadly, it’s not like the apocalypse in books. Society though…hasn’t crumbled. Society is still hanging by a thread. But is this the beginning of the end? Stories always jump to the good part. The aftermath and how people deal. But what happens during? What happens as we all suffer together? What happens as society crumbles very slowly. A crumb after another. When we finally look up, we notice that it is an avalanche that has fallen and society is not what we remembered.

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