What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

In 2024, it was the constant resilience skills that kicked in each time I spiraled. In 2023, it was when I figured out what Chris needed. In 2022, it was it was the moment that all my hopes for the year started happening. In 2021, it was all the small moments that validates that I’ll be fine even if it was a tiered rejection letter. In 2020, it was when a product leader called attention to the quality of my work. In 2019, it was when I left my job and when Chris comforted me that we are ok. In 2018, it was realizing my own qualities. In 2017, it was giving advice in hopes of inspiring others. In 2016, it was the moment that when immersed in the election aftermath that anything could change. In 2015, it was the moment when I realized that I could finish Ice Cream Travel Guide. In 2014, it was when I wrote a well-crafted piece (that I read to a live audience 11 months later). In 2013, it was when light shone in the face of despair. In 2012, it was when I stood up for myself. In 2011, it was a moment of clarity, sincere belief and friendship. In 2010, it was an action of commitment.

This year, it’s the several times when the results were sent to me that literally it was okay.

First for the cancer pathology, I had prepared myself for the worst, because why not? Why let myself believe that things could be the better and then be devstated when it’s not. I fully expected that it had spread, upgrading it to a later stage. I expected that I would need chemotherapy and any other treatments. But to my shock, none of that. It was done. I had chosen the minimal option for surgery so I was done. The doctor said that my oncotype was low so I could skip all the things.

Second when I started the medication, i fully expected to be tired all the time. So exhausted that I couldn’t function, couldn’t do much of anything, my brain less than it was. But again, I was shocked to find that my body, although there were some annoying effects, just felt normal overall. With the side effects, I took some advice and did acupuncture and although it took awhile, it felt magical. Again, all okay.

Third, I was panicking rightly so as Chris was brought into the ER. But the doctors said that they were taking good care of him. I felt better. They were looking after him. Even though they yelled at me, I felt incredible relief because I knew that I did the best that I could and just drove. And as I parked, unbeknownst to me, he woke up. They did the brain scan and told me there was a brain bleed. I panicked of course and the ER attending told me that we didn’t know anything yet. I should wait and see. Then the attending got the results of the consult, saying that we could monitor instead. And the follow up scans showed that everything was okay. He was healing.

Fourth and fifth and sixth, I had additional scans to see if there was any other cancer. I was annoyed and terrified at the same time. Probably benign for the first scan. Come back in six months. Did another one. I panicked this time, of course because it was just about a year that I had the scan that led to the diagnosis. Then I had another one in a week. Negative. Negative. No sign. Benign benign.

It’s because literally the results that you’re okay, you’re fine, there’s nothing to worry about.