Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

In 2010, it was a person. In 2011, it was an idea. In 2012, it was a symbol represented by a person. In 2013, I let go fear. In 2014, I let go of humility (or the desire to appear humble). In 2015, I let go of perfection. In 2016, I let go of expectations. In 2017, I let go of things and people I don’t need. In 2018, I let go of constant discovery. In 2019, I let go of expectations. In 2020, I let go of uncomfortable pants. In 2021, I let go of rejection. In 2022, I let go about feeling bad about rejection. 2023, I let go about being upset when others are upset. In 2024, I let go of not planning.

This year, because of all the things last year, I let go of feeling ashamed for asking help. To be okay with saying, “Yes, I need help.” And accept it.

The cancer treatments had begun in earnest in January. And I had spent the previous month of last December thinking so much about what I need. Keeping in mind that people want to help. Even the ones who were obnoxiously self-centered when they found out about my diagnosis (sometimes it was too much to include them). So I created ways to help, defining the specific ways. But the primary most visible one was the mealtrain. Throughout it, I didn’t realize how much it helped me. To just let people feed me. I had always been so self-sufficient in feeding myself once I graduated high school, although I didn’t know how to cook healthily so many years. I eventually found joy in cooking. And to have someone else decide for me. For us, made a difference. A friend noted, sometimes, it’s not just for you, it’s for Chris too.

And I was worried about what chemo and radiation would mean. I heard about the exhaustion. I heard about nausea. I heard about weakness. What if? What if?

But feeling nourished in the many ways helped so much.

So when Chris was seriously injured in the assault, it was yet another blow. And a friend offered a mealtrain. I didn’t do a whole survey this time. I felt guilty. But it helped so much. Especially when I went abroad. When meals are just a little thing to do. Everyone just wanted to find a time to bring food, the thing that they enjoyed every day. It’s not a big deal, some would say, just will make a little more for dinner.

I am so grateful for all of it. For the generosity. And it all started with accepting the gift.