A former coworker said that his trigger was the moment that he finished dropping his youngest at daycare and the oldest at preschool. It was as if he was propelled toward back to where we used to be.

Initially, I said I had none. I am not a morning person and the blare of my alarm isn’t a great reminder of where I need to be. But today I had a doctor’s appointment and raced to the BART station by 8:30 am.

Descending the stairs, I had a weird feeling. I read people’s faces—they all knew they were going somewhere. Somewhere that would trap them from the glowing hot sun. Somewhere where it was sterile for at least 8 hours. A cubical environment. They were going.

But instead, I can lie back and wait until the sun fully shines through my East-facing windows and then wait until the sunbeams decide to fly somewhere else.

First is the worst. Second is the best.

Small is intimate. Big is anonymous.

Small is risky. Big is safe.

Small is suddenly rewarding. Big is slowly rewarding.

I would rather die trying to reach for the best, than taking the easy route.

I sneezed twice on the way in and someone said, “Hey it looks like you’re under the weather.”

I thought nothing about it and laughed saying, “Oh it’s probably just allergies.”

Then a few hours later, I got the news and found myself wandering up and down Mission Street almost in confusion carrying a large stack of papers and books. I ran into a few people there, wandering in lost thoughts. A few moments later, a homeless man came up to asking for change, putting his wrinkled hands in our view. “Help me,” he said.

“Dude man, not now,” someone finally said. “This isn’t a good time.”

The homeless man faltered for a moment and silently pulled away. He went down the street in search of more hope. It was a sunny day.

Today, the clouds are ominous and there isn’t as much sun coming into my living room.

There are the several moments in life where you walk out of somewhere and know almost wistfully that you won’t be back. It’s sort of like a former flame telling you it’s over and you know that you won’t smell the stinky perfume or experience the strange habits of a roommate. As you walk toward the door, there’s something telling you that if you ever did come back, everything is different.

I will miss:

And of course the people…

Ok, I didn’t do anything extraordinarily exciting. Besides attending a Yelp Elite Masquerade Ball in Santa Clara and a fancy decked out Black and Fright Ball at the Rengstorff House…

I didn’t have a good costume so Chris and I just did the following:

Even though the president we wanted to win has won, proposition 8 in California has not.

Separate but equal? Not quite. Unfortunately the older generations still have streaks of homophobia and most of all, misunderstanding of what a same-sex marriage means.

It’s rather unfortunate that not everyone knows someone who is gay or lesbian. Because doing so, it also means they can realize that they are human. They’re just different. And it wasn’t a choice after birth.

It’s like my natural love of performing. I really do love being the spotlight, but so many other things get in the way. My skills. Social anxiety. Comprehension. Overanalysis. When I was 5 years old before my analytical side kicked in, I wanted to be a dancer or a singer. But then by the environment around me, I progressed into preferring to be behind the scenes. But when given the chance to be me, of course I would.

Some people would say I have multiple personalities.

On route from the 24th/Mission BART station, I hear the helicopter circling overhead. The posters plastered along any empty wall and gate space for No on 8, Yes on 1a, Mark Sanchez.

But it’s the rallying cries of joy that I hear the most. The honking and the screaming. The happiness that come with people shouting “whoohoo”. A car would honk, then another and yet another. Some cars with sunroofs were rolled down with people popping out of them shouting in glee.

I personally expected the outcome. But as I walked through the station upon exiting, I almost could sense that we had accomplished some sort of success. It was happiness. We did it.

There is celebration. Once again.

Obviously Obama. Duh. I would vote for David Palmer. If he were alive.

But onto to more important issues. Ever since 2000, I have neglected to educate myself properly about the state propositions and measures. As only good citizen, I abstain from voting on anything that I am uninformed about. However, this time surrounded by friends, family and coworkers who are very political, I am so much more motivated to vote. Even if it’s because I will get a Free Starbucks, Free Krispy Kreme or Free Ben and Jerry’s Scoop tomorrow.

The most risky thing to do is vote yes, because that changes the status quo. Voting no is staying with the status quo.

So my thoughts on the state propositions (unfortunately I stupidly never got around to re-registered in San Francisco, so I can’t vote on Measure R):

Prop 1A: High-speed passenger train between LA and SF.
Undecided
I am leaning toward no, because the money could be spent elsewhere. However, wouldn’t this improve the state economy by bridging the gap between LA and SF?

Prop 2: Improve standards for confining farm animals
No
In California, this applies to only chickens. SFist says I am Satan, but I am not even sure if the proposition should go this far. It just seems that competition will win out. Yes, it’s a small step to humane treatment, but I don’t know if this is the right way.

Prop 3: Children’s hospital bond
No
As much as I love little kiddies, I want to make sure our money right now at least is going to the right places.

Prop 4: Parental notification before abortion
Strongly No
I spent the last few months thinking about this one. Yes a teenager deserves privacy. Not all teenagers are mature enough, but there are some that are. But the reason that teenagers don’t tell their parents is often because of fear. Fear of embarrassment? Fear of shame? Regardless, the intent of the law should be that the one who is going through abortion should receive adequate (or over-) education. Parents get tunnel vision with their kids.

Prop 5: Sentencing for nonviolent drug offenses
No
Living in San Francisco, I have a growing belief that people arrested for nonviolent drug offenses should not be punished as heavily as those who committed violent crimes. However, I am all for expanding drug treatment programs, but not everything else associated with the proposition. I’ll wait until it’s written better.

Prop 6 Law enforcement funding and criminal penalties
No
Seems like a lot of spending when very unnecessary.

Prop 7: Renewable energy generation
No
As all the radio and tv commercials say, it’s written poorly and will limit future attempts to “green” our society.

Prop 8: Same-sex marriage ban
Strongly no
Obviously. There’s too much propaganda floating around for people to vote yes on this proposition. Voting yes for this proposition is almost religion-supported. We should look at the focus of the issue—a marriage for a same-sex couple—and decide if that is right. Marriage as a definition is the bringing of two people in strong relationship together, so why not extend that to homosexual couples? This is after all the beginning of more rights for this protected group.

Prop 9: Victims’ rights and parole
No
Again, it’s using money that isn’t completely necessary. As much as I would advocate victims the right to be notified, the proposition implies much more changes that I oppose. The reason that “criminals” are offered more rights is not because of their ability to wiggle out of the system but rather determine the right punishment. Nothing is perfect.

Prop 10: Alternative-fuel vehicles, renewable energy bonds
No
I thought we aren’t supposed to use bonds. I remember it was a negative thing in SimCity. It doesn’t bring enough value back.

Prop 11: Redistricting changes
Undecided
Despite as much as I have read, I don’t get it. I have a feeling I might abstain from this one.

Prop 12: Veterans housing and farm bonds
Yes
No impact on the state economy. Sure, why not. Also, there aren’t any opponents to the proposition so it must be an obvious one, right?