Today, I wished that I wasn\’t that moral. Or so \”pure\”. Or at least that I don\’t bind myself to my own rules so strictly. Or perhaps I just want to be like all my coworkers who swear their head off when something breaks, when someone makes a mistake on the server, or just when the keys fall down to the floor.

And now for a listing of the top adium (adium = the mac client I use for aim, msn, yahoo) logs (from April 2004 onward). I think I am slightly obsessive about this since I have recounted the logs a total of three times in the last year. It\’s interesting how it changes each time. Apparently there were some people who just dropped off my entire list from the last time I counted (September 2003-December 2003 on trillian on the laptop):

1. Lele 3.3 mb (I think we had a lot to talk about, but not as of late because our work schedules aren\’t really matching each others…)

2. My sister 1.5 mb (YO LADY! I thought we talked more on the phone though)

3. Chris 1.3 mb (it\’s still surprising to me that we talked so much on aim only in the last…two weeks?)

4. Vikas 876k (I don\’t see how we talked that much, but most of it must have been work-related…or not?)

5. Karen 776k (in the top five, even though she didn\’t really have a computer, but always used the one at her office)

6. ALECKY 680k (most of the time, I think I was just humoring him, but we haven\’t had a conversation since mid-july)

7. Kyle 664k (I have a feeling that I was being too hyper here)

8. Rekuytn 428k (a constant omnipresent topic: when are we going to do a screwthoseidiots show?!)

9. Shinelun 393k (the godlike Shinelun, where did he go and why hasn\’t he been responding to my ims that rain like fire)

10. Becky 356k (I have a feeling that most of our ims as of late are IT\’S BROKE, FIX!)

This is probably the first time that people I know IRL is dominant over people I have never met in person!

I learned in the past few months that I feel much better if I expressed my internal state. That is, if I keep my feelings of embarrassment inside, then it\’ll boil up and become avoidance. And that\’s never good. In change, I have been apologizing more and telling people what I feel about what they did.

Perhaps, it\’s better. But that\’s almost like the psychological way out. I have make myself better to…really feel better about things. One of my major challenges is to understand what people are thinking and feeling. It drives me nuts that I can\’t read people\’s minds.

I worry about myself way too much!

Embarrassing moment #19872

I left myself logged in at a computer at work and left for 2 hours. The rule is that you\’re always supposed to log yourself out (or lock the screen). For security purposes, of course. By leaving yourself logged in, you allow people to access your private files and worse yet OMG YOUR E-MAIL. And when I came back, Chris (got r00t?) was basically pointing at my screen (and possibly laughing silently). Funny that I remember coming back and getting irritated that someone took my seat. When it all happened to be just me!

Never trust anyone!

By the way, pictures from San Diego! :D

My dad returned the digital cable box a few days ago. :( No more watching LOTR for the 20th time. No more watching independent films that I would have never seen on my own. No more watching behind the scene footage of currently playing movies. No more dynamic tv guide.

At least I still have my Nip/Tuck. Something that satisfies my desire for gore and skin.

\”Do you want me to come home?\” I asked my mom about Thanksgiving.

She looked at me hard. Immediately, out comes all of this anxiety about a flight home during the holidays. About how hard it would be to book a ticket. And how much traffic there would be on the way getting back. And just what a hassle it would be for me to fly back from Pittsburgh.

Although my mom did have a point (albeit weak). I always do what I want to do. And I rarely do what others want me to do. And of course, she brought up how I insisted on going to Minnesota last year. And how I went to Los Angeles that one time during freshman year. Not to mention, how I went on a road trip to Irvine two years ago. And how I go to San Diego at least once a year to visit my sister although she and my dad thinks it\’s a waste of time. (No wonder my parents don\’t believe in me spending that much time in talking on aim.)

For the last 3 years, my parents have been against my sister coming home during Thanksgiving since she\’s in San Diego (she came home last Thanksgiving when before she spent the weekend alone in SD). It\’s kind of very bothersome for me, because I see all my socal friends going home all the time. If it\’s not once a month, it\’s once a week. I think it\’s because my parents both went away for school (my dad went overseas for both undergrad and grad; my mom just went to the other side of the city and just studied all the time) and thus never really bred a strong interest in family ties. There are some people who would say that I am close to my parents, but rather it\’s more about the fact that I am not well enough financially.

So now my mom is grumbling about how I want to bring two bags of clothes (my entire wardrobe), a sleeping bag, a box of my books (THE journals!), my posters, my desktop (and accessories). Not to mention all these random bags and other things I have collected over the years. All of this ANXIETY just as I return from San Diego. One of the first things my dad asked me when I got into the car was whether I was going to bring 3 boxes of checkin to Pittsburgh. Rather, he insisting that I should have only 3. Of course, being me, I went beserk and said that 3 was not enough. And basically how if I didn\’t bring the right things, I won\’t feel comfortable in a new place at home. It is very important to me to feel at least…that something is my own rather than arrive at a completely new city, a new house, new housemates, new room with only two bags of \”things\” I really need.

Yes, I need my yellow lemon poster and Van Gogh\’s The Starry Night on the wall. Then any room can be truly my room.

It has almost been one entire year since I have driven the Acura Integra. And today, after a long trip to Irvine (I got to visit Vanessa, one of my coworkers from Foothill this year), my sister asked me to drive back to La Jolla. Then I realized how bothersome it was to drive in socal.

Everytime there was traffic, it always happened to be some car that pulled to the side because it was malfunctioning. Or maybe the CHP writing a car a ticket. It was the same old deal each time, no legitimate accident. Just people rubbernecking.

Even worse, it seems like more people around here are up to road rage. What happened to patience? Is being late really that bad? What happened to \”sharing the road\”? Ultimately, the chinese saying works \”they\’re all rushing to get their birth certificate\”!

So gross! Is it just socal or was it really me? Besides my observation that there\’s a lot more road rage here than in norcal, it seems that guys here are always constantly horny. Or at least, flirtatious.

I doubt that I have gotten \”better-looking\”. (Maybe I have gotten more confident over the last year, but WHY ARE THESE BOYZ being stupid, maybe I should revert back to my nerdy self.) Because my sister mostly had female friends at her b-day party, I was walking along with a group of well-dressed girls along the streets of downtown San Diego. As I was walking to a restaurant with my sister and her 3 friends, guys on the street would be honking. GROSS. And then when my sister got lost in the clubbing area of San Diego, we rolled our windows down to get rid of the humidity. Mind you, five girls in one car-an Acura Integra. As we inched along in the traffic, one guy in the opposite lane asked, \”How are you ladies doing tonight?\” To which, my sister immediately rolled up the window to his face. :D

Then as I walked with Anna (my sister\’s friend) to her car, two cars drove past us with a guy leaning out the window asking the same question, \”What are you doing tonight?\” Anna and I weren\’t wearing anything that revealing either. Instead of coming with a good comeback, we both dove into the safety of her GPS-enabled car (which was so cool by the way).

On our way out of TGIFridays, some football-like guys walked directly into us. And apparently, one deliberately fell in my sister\’s path and acted as if he was trying to catch her. She was surprised and didn\’t say anything. What\’s up with this? I never get this in Northern California (well besides the time when I walk through areas where construction workers take their lunch breaks, but it\’s just all a minor \”hi\”).

Nonetheless, I felt more at ease today. I could act like myself rather than trying to be someone who I wasn\’t. Maybe it was because my sister was around. But mostly, I met the right people.

It\’s my sister\’s birthday today! :D Big (or actually younger – 14 months younger) lady is 21 today! Go wish her a happy birthday! (even if you don\’t know her) YO LADY!

This is the first time that I have come down to San Diego specifically for her b-day. Last year, I was too occupied with my internship to get away from the Bay Area. :( So far I have gotten her a creme brulee set, something that she had been wanting for the longest time.

Another story of sisterly bonding that I don\’t remember (just like last year\’s – I guess I am good at blocking \”bad\” memories from myself):
When I was 6 years old, my sister put boogers into my hair and I didn\’t notice. My mom and grandmother then washed my hair. Then when I was finished, my sister put more boogers in my hair while I wasn\’t watching. I was apparently easily oblivious to things around me. Then my mom asked my sister whether she was the one who did it. Being quite innocent, she said, \”I didn\’t do it.\”

Sniff, true sisterly love!

Pink Taco! Besides the people who know what I mean by these two words, what kind of image does it evoke in your mind? And what kind of person would use such combination of words? (Not including me of course, I use it to make fun of people. tee hee!)


After last few witless times that I met an \”online friend\”, I have became slightly tired of how much effort this really all takes. Initially, meeting people I knew only in text or jpgs used to be so exciting. Would their offline personality match their online personality? But after the last four years (plus my offline friends all criticizing how I get myself in WEIRD and DANGEROUS situations), I think I have gotten weary. Online friendships and offline friendships are no different. But one requires more effort than the other. This is especially true because I have gotten the habit of thinking everyone is busy online and thus I rarely im them.

The only person I have yet to meet is…LELE. And E!