How to spend your last few days in California? With no regrets. But I have no professional training!

ADDED when I finally get home:

I am leaving tomorrow morning at 8:10 am. And I think it\’s a good thing that I delayed my flight for about 3 days, because I wouldn\’t have gotten the closure that I wanted. I am not sure where all my non-rescomp friends went or whether I have been resCULTed, but suddenly yesterday during the all rescomp training, I felt this lump in my throat. The manager was talking about upcoming events, all the incoming freshmen for move-in day, how the RCCs would be working like mad to get everyone connected, and the incomplete computing center servers. But I wouldn\’t be part of it at all…

In the past 4 years, I have done so many goodbyes. I take my friends to the airport, sometimes unsure whether I\’ll ever see him or her again. Mostly because the friendship changes so much by the time either of us has a chance to fly out. I remember saying goodbye to Naim at the Oakland airport almost 2 years ago to the day, thinking that he would return some day. It was a sad moment then, an optimistic i-will-see-you-again grins, the last photos, the \”fake\” tears, and the UNITED tags. And then 6 months later, our whole relationship shifted…neither of us especially me wanted to see each other. That\’s almost what I am afraid of…going to SFO tomorrow. Not that I won\’t return to the Bay Area, but relationships with people in Berkeley shift so fast. But in the end, it\’s all up to us to maintain if we so desire.

Do you have the closing time syndrome? Do you see everything better when it\’s close to closing time? And for me, do you excuse my annoying habits because I am leaving soon? :)

It bothers me that Asian families aren\’t forward with their thoughts and emotions. If you want something, if you miss someone, then say it. Don\’t keep it inside and express it through jealous rages.

Nonetheless, maybe I did lack some compassion tonight when my mom called and demanded that I come home…right away. It was 11:30 pm and I had planned to stay around to see friends. And there\’s the kicker: friends come and go, but family is forever. Personally, I never believed in blood relations, the obligations that come from such. I believe that people should choose who they want to spend their time and life with. Blood relations only entail obligations and some unquestionable unconditional \”love\”. This was the summer where I was supposed to teach myself that friends can really stay around. And most of all, that I could forgive them and that they weren\’t objects to be tossed.

Karen convinced me that my mom perhaps was trying to get me home because she missed me. But what happened to being 22 years old and making decisions for myself. And how did grounding as a threat come into play? (note: my parents never grounded me because usually when they got upset, they forgot about their anger the following day.) And why is this happening a few days right before I leave for the East Coast? *cough* I am not irresponsible. I am not immature. I am the oldest in my family and I went to a college that was 12 miles away from home. Is she experiencing the empty nest syndrome? Because I had nothing to do earlier in the summer, I spent almost every evening with my parents, going to Costco, eating dinner, and other misc errands. I was always around. Then July and August came, and I did that much less. Ultimately, it\’s all about my priorities. Who do I want to spend time with at this very moment?

I did my first overnighter for a non-school thing. And with this, I get my parents\’ (namely my mom\’s) unnecessary concern. I get calls from my mom throughout the day admonishing me for delaying my flight and how I didn\’t go home. One of the first things she is concerned about…is that I don\’t have a toothbrush. Then how I don\’t have contact lens solution. And how I haven\’t showered for more than 24 hours. And have no change of clothes.

Good thing my parents never really knew about my overnighters in Soda Hall and the like.

My dad just wants to make sure I am happy but my mom is also pragmatic. Maybe I am not as family-oriented as I should be, but I resented the fact that I had to cancel dinner with my friend to have dinner with my grandparents, et al. My aunt (who I learned the existence of 8 years ago) had spontaneously showed up in the Bay Area. I always feel foolish when I go these dinners, because I sit at the table struggling with a language barrier. Even moreso, my aunt has difficulty with hearing so despite her understanding English, I have to shout to be heard. Yet, it\’s all in the presence that makes a family. The act of ordering expensive shark fin\’s soup just because someone special is in town. And the surprise order of the 1 liter apple cider for $1. Is that what makes a family?

Um yeah. I just changed my departure flight from tomorrow evening to Sunday morning. That\’s like 3 more days! And that\’s also an additional $126 I am paying…

But I sense, to really leave a place, it\’s all worth it.

I think I can fake my energy really well when I am tired. Hippy joy joy joy joy!!! Maybe it\’s also because I am playing eurodance music and jumping around the entire room. And swinging back and forth on the chairs.

It\’s my second to last day in Berkeley. :(

So today, the alarm went off in the storage room. I took responsibility. And a policewoman took down my id. She said over her radio, \”Accidental alarm setoff. Person responsible. First name [insert full name], common spelling. Last name Ng, spelled as N-G. Twenty two years old. Asian. Female.\”

Almost arrested!!! But not. :(

Is it just me or am I getting along with so many people just because there is so little time left? Is it that syndrome of closing time when everyone/everything looks so much better (and cooler) than they do in normal daylight?

Anyway in other news, I realized that I have to clean up my buddy list to make way for new cmu people I am going meet next week. Maybe I should clean up my security group (people who I stalk online, but never im). WHO WANTS TO BE DELETED?!

The traumas and tribulations of living at home. And just for the summer!!! My mom got home from work and saw that I had a huge pile of STUFF in my sister\’s room. STUFF that I intended to pack, but was just sitting in a huge pile. She had a fit. Not to mention, both of my parents have been on my case about getting home really late at night. About 1 am or later for the last week. Considering how when I was in high school, I was antisocial and went home straight from x-country practice or peer tutoring…yeah. Note, the garage and my bedroom are on the other side of the house. However, the shower (I MUST TAKE A NIGHTLY SHOWER BEFORE I SLEEP or I feel all unclean and can\’t sleep as well as I would) is in my parents\’ \”suite\”. I can\’t use the one that\’s near my room for \”cleaning\” purposes. Sigh. I am leaving in 4 days though…

But my going away party pictures! A big thank you to everyone who came! Especially those who were able to find the place themselves. :) And a slap on the wrist for those people who could make it but flaked because they were too intimidated by the fact that they didn\’t know anyone. And a bigger smack for those who WENT to another party instead of mine! *cough* And now for the LIST of events (guilt trip for people who missed out):

So if someone passes out or falls asleep at your party, are you obligated to take advantage of the situation (draw something on the forehead, dribble shaving cream all over…)?

I think I missed my opportunity. :(

But anyway, in other news, I ditched my own farewell party for over 2 hours just to visit a testerone-fest of doom 3, et al. for Rescomp aka gamenight. I did return later to my own to clean up and didn\’t leave until 4 am. Usually I do one of these things (invite everyone I know to one place at one time) every other year. I always find it odd that it\’s almost a new batch of people every time…

It\’s just a feeling of attachment to what is good and great now. I wasn\’t ever that bitter being rejected by SIMS (UC Berkeley\’s School of Information Management Systems located in South Hall), but I started regretting not delaying grad school for a year. Just a desire to make the pressent last a little longer that made me call ATA and ask to delay my flight for a few days.

After they slapped me a possible $120 fee, reality hit me hard in the face. I already received the new masters student orientation and it looks like I\’ll be meeting a lot of people (reminder to self: don\’t be shy!) Pittsburgh will be good. It\’s not like I am arriving there without knowing anybody. I already know Marina. And I have been in touch with Belinda, a girl from my aunt\’s fellowship. Furthermore, three professors from Berkeley are transporting themselves there. Three students including me are going to be in the masters program. Not to mention, I already know a current PHD student and an incoming PHD student there. So why the nostalgia? Lafayette, my hometown, will always be the same – I will always see my parents, my sister. But Berkeley will change. It\’s a fluid town, where I spent the last 4 years trying to never regret missing an opportunity.

Ok for some: opportunities may mean meeting random phone guy in front of Fat Slice at 12 am, having a guy hit on me during my RCC office hours and inviting him to my party out of guilt, meeting all these BOYZ that I first met online, being suckered to walk to the Campanlie at 3 am, back-talking to a guy who followed my roommate home and scared her witless…

BTW, guarantee is misspelled at my friend\’s site (another Chris) freestuffcrazy.com. He wants you to click on his ads. The site reminds me of a cheaper version of my cousin\’s site dealuniversity.com

\”Is there neon light in here? Where\’s your battery pack?\” Someone said yesterday. About my very pink shirt from Hollister (a pseudo-A&F store) Right at that moment, I decided that I wouldn\’t wear that shirt ever again.

When I first wore this shirt, it was right during my first year as a RCC. The moment that my coworker saw me. He said, \”PRETTY PINK. LOOKS CUTE ON YOU.\” I was slightly embarrassed and didn\’t wear the shirt again for a long time. Not until I became vain and started taking pictures of myself. I put up one particular picture on emode.com (this was pre-tickle) because they had this social networking thing similar to friendster. I used a pseudonym and the only identifying information I put was that I was from Berkeley, CA. A few days later, I got requests from people who were interested by my profile. To my surprise (or utter shock), I received a request from Allen. (hey allen, defend yourself.) I think I wore that shirt much less after that until yesterday.

But yesterday was one of those days. One of those days that I felt like I really was going to miss Berkeley. Or maybe just working at Rescomp. Going to the movies is all about going with the right people. And having the right audience. I went to see Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle with some people from work. Note that I was the only female and that I wouldn\’t have ever gone seen it out my own will (read: I would have disliked it in any other setting). Several years ago, I had shunned movies like this…but surprisingly…with the right audience who kept yelling appropriate obscenties during the movie…it was actually fun. Ok, it was the most fun I ever had when I didn\’t have to talk to anyone beyond silent passing of popcorn and emitting parades of giggles. It was nice to finally see Asian Americans on the big screen, but that wasn\’t just the good part either. (it has the MILF guy also from BLT and some HAWT Indian dude whose voiced dripped with saliva!!)

When we left the movie, someone suggested going to In \’N Out as an attempted adventure to a pseudo-White Castle (the closest White Castle from here is in Chicago). And so there we eating our number twos and numbers threes at midnight. It\’s almost a reminder of how I most likely won\’t have many of these random excursions anymore. As people get older, priorities change. It\’s all about planning for the future. But ultimately, isn\’t it all relative? I think that was why I was so appalled a few months ago when I helped out the families at the swimming pool. Everything is the same…and so mundane. But perhaps, parents find spontaneity in their own time in their children.

(yes, there\’s a penis-shaped cookie. With some white frosting. I feel special!)

I finally received Lele\’s cookies today! My mom put them on the kitchen table and because I was in a rush (again), I just grabbed it on the way out, intending to open it up at work. But of course, she just had to tape everything securely. So I finally had a coworker just stab at it with scissors. I suppose being known for the one for having weird/strange encounters in life, people were reluctant to touch the cookies wrapped in paper so that it looked like something illegal, something poisonous, something like…anthrax. But we all know that Lele wouldn\’t do such a thing, would you?!