When I was 11, I obsessively overtook chat rooms asking stupid questions. I still have transcripts of those times somewhere in my room in California. But when I looked them more than 7 years later, I was apalled at how immature I was. But that\’s always what happens when you look back.

Back then though, many people I met online thought I was older. I remember thirty-somethings finding my writing fascinating. I said so many strange things. I lacked social skills when I was that age and thus saw the world in a totally unique perspective. I made any single sentence into a work of fiction. One person described it as lyrical and melodious.

Then I got old and became what they call \”normal\”. The point why I bring it up is that…through this Xanga experience, I have come across some 11 year olds, 12 years old, 13 year olds…and it\’s amazing to see them being so precocious. They are ten years younger and it almost seems like they\’re seeing the world through my 11 year old eyes. I admit that I am slightly envious that they could claim innocence and people can believe it. That they have untainted, naive minds. They aren\’t afraid because how could they be afraid of something they don\’t know. I miss all of that.

A few weeks ago, I started the ball rolling on this trip to Cedar Point. A three hour car ride to the best amusement park ever! Except that recruiting people was difficult. As time ticked down to my planned date, people started getting busy. Some people got sick. Some people went out of town. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that easily gets influenced by people\’s decisions. I felt so disappointed as the day went on. Watching crazy drivers drive vintage cars in a nearby race track (pictures to come) cheered up slightly, but I was sad that I couldn\’t spend a lot of time with the people who were leaving in August. So I cancelled the trip and rescheduled it.

At least I won\’t have to wake up early tomorrow.

In other thoughts though, I remembered one awkward moment related to amusement parks. It was my first boyfriend and me. He was visiting me during spring break, sacrificing his last spring break of high school to see me in Northern California. I surprised him the day he arrived with two tickets to an amusement park. He looked downfallen and disappointed. Not his thing. Yet I already spend a lot of money on it. (Meaning…I was poor at that time…and $30 is something I couldn\’t give away). We went on a rollercoaster for my sake and basically, he refused to let go of the safety harness. He wasn\’t that easy-going about it either. Yeah, a little awkward. No wonder, it didn\’t really work out. :)

Next memory. When I visited Minnesota, my friends there made a big deal about how we should go to Cedar Point. By that time, I had gotten older (and possibly mature). I demanded to see what made their city of Duluth so great rather than driving down to a park. Two years later, now in Pittsburgh. It\’s not because I want to be entertained, it\’s because I want to ride the best of the best. Where is my 6 lb burger by the way?

An example of the writing I posted on THAT xanga.

Yesterday, I was at the grocery store and found myself trying to guess what type of person was ahead of me based on what he was buying. Water flavored with lime. Cookies. A whole loaf of bread. Ice cream. Was he living alone? Was he having a get-together? Was he indulging himself for good work? Then I thought of the things I was buying. Yogurt. Organic fat-free milk. Flavored sparkling storebrand water. Evaporated milk. What did it say about me? Does it say anything about who I am?

There are shows like Room Raiders and Date My Mom. Idiotic and dumb at its core. Yet, it brings up one major point. The things that people do, the way people keep their surroundings, their relationships often define who they are.

Some may have figured out that I started on this Xanga adventure about a month ago now. Every single thing I have posted is original, yet I haven\’t written in the present. I am getting tired of my self-imposed anonymity, which seemed fun at the beginning…but it\’s not who I am. When I used to keep a more personal journal online, I found people judging me based on what I wrote, despite the fact that those emotions and thoughts are fleeting.

Yet, it is the essence of who we are. We need to separate things into categories to make it easier for us. It\’s too difficult to spend time to analyzing each new thing that appears in our lives thoroughly.

One of the most profound questions to be answered is the question \”who are you\”. Because of my recent Internet endeavors, I have been asked that very question over and over.

Yet what is the right way? Should I simply give a name? Should I give them my asl? Or better yet go the path of the seishindo, to ask but not know the answer. I am so much more than a name.

But so far, I have only been answering that question with a \”i am cool\”, because I am too sleepy to think of any other witty response.

With my \”free time\”, it\’s odd how quickly I fill up my evenings with a movie, a stop at Rita\’s, phone calls and my usual Internet habits. No wonder I am so \”busy\”.

This fall, I am going to live in a house with 3 guys. Finally.

Despite a stressful situation occuring at the office, my sister and I still romped around Pittsburgh. We had hotcakes at Pamela\’s, traveled through the Cathedral of Learning, met Valerie, walked through the Cut and through the Mall, said hello to the world watching the free food cam, visited the Squirrel Hill library and had yet another satisfying experience at Rita\’s. Dropping her off at the airport made me want to leave Pittsburgh. There was no line for baggage check-in so we finished that quickly. We loitered around the area before the security check. My good little sister bought me some Dutch candies and a necklace. Then she got chocolate from another store. Eventually though, we said goodbye. Come back soon or I\’ll visit you in Fullerton!

The sad thing is that I left the little bag with my necklace on the 28x. I returned to my house, tired from riding the bus for more than 2 hours. But alas, I had left it. :( I went outside back to the bus stop, thinking that I could pick it up. Yet time passed and I knew the 28x must have left its stop at Morewood. So it goes…

Back in my room. Sometimes spending time with my sister is almost like spending time with myself. We think alike in some ways and it\’s just sad that nobody is…sleeping on my floor anymore!

Today marks one year since I first visited Pittsburgh. Last year, I had come right in the middle of my Rescommin\’ Days. I came here with a i-can\’t-wait-to-leave-berkeley angst. I made small talk with a returning soldier, compared CMU to Berkeley (almost had lunch with Bonnie, our program advisor), and toured Pittsburgh with a random guy at 10 at night.

Even though I make remarks like \”I am never going to live here\” and \”I can\’t wait to live\”, I probably will miss some things. Things that I have been taking for granted like living a few parks from a large city park, free admission to the (good) city museums, orthodox Jews walking around on Saturdays…

My sister was impressed with Pittsburgh (it was better than what she thought), but of course she wasn\’t impressed with my room (still as messy as it was in my undergrad days).

My sis is coming soon! I am very excited!

In the last 4 years, I have visited her in San Diego while she was at UCSD. Each time, we ate so much etc. etc. But when she came to Berkeley, it wasn\’t really the same because we were both at home and our parents catered to us. This time though, I can cater to her. Have fun eating and all the good stuff like that! And she can finally see how I cook (because i never really cooked before). :D

Poor lady is coming in through a red-eye flight. I hope she can last Saturday!

How did we survive without cellphones before? I don\’t really remember…