A few weeks ago, I thought why not? everyone is using a rss reader, so i should too! So I downloaded a rss reader to my dashboard and proceeded to add the blogs I read to it.

The following days felt…too organized. It would tell me when the blog had been updated. I could easily read all the latest entries on that widget. It felt strange and alien, but I kept up with the blogs more diligently than I had previously. Yet, there was no satisfaction of randomly visiting a blog and discovering to my pleasure that it had been updated. I didn\’t like that lack of the emotional aspect. I didn\’t like the lack of spontaniety and serendipity.

A few days later, I deleted the widget and decided to return to my good old roots of using my mind to predict when my friends\’ blogs would be updated.

That\’s why I didn\’t like livejournal. I could never rely on the fact that people could miss it. They would always see it. The same with the xanga subscriptions. The way I blog is meant to be read daily, diligently…or just in one sitting every few days. Or at least that\’s how I perceive it. It\’s meant to be stumbled upon on, whether by google or some trigger in the memory.

But if you must, my rss feed (and very unformatted) is here.

This year, I have met many grown men that love wittle kitties and doggies. Of course, they became such lovey-mushy people once they saw a furry little animal, very unlike the macho appearance they usually put on. There was one I knew who would turn into a puppy himself when he saw one. He would roll on the floor and shake/flap his imaginary ears.

It was great.

I want my goal to be \”carpe diem\”. But how many people really follow that rule? How often do we want to live without regrets, but we end up regretting things that we never did?

Looking back, aren\’t there so many things that we would have done differently if we had known what we known now?

Just a thought. Coming back to my undergrad town, it was just like that. Now that I am more \”social\”, I felt that I could have done so much as an undergrad and really truly loved my college days.

Like you know, a short distance relationship. Ben says that I should try it some day.

\”You\’re heavy,\” said Will when he said goodbye to me as he gave me a hug.

EDIT: Sam claims that he said \”girls are heavy\”. Either way. It says so much about the night. On many levels.

Looking back at this semester, all I can say is that I am looking forward to the next one.

But from a larger perspective of the entire year, I have learned so much this year. I am not just talking about the things in HCI. This year, I learned about the greater essence of people. Even as much as I used to say how I hated dealing with people, I have come love the quirks, the personality of each individual.

One major thing I have learned is that I am never alone. Loneliness is only a perspective when you think nobody understands. Yet someone always does. You\’re standing alone in the darkness, scared and afraid. But someone turns on the light and you realize that you\’re not alone at all.

This year was a year of little changes and big changes. I figured out what I wanted in life, who I was, where I wanted to go. I put on a damper on my previous firey temper and impulsive behavior. I stood up for myself, not just once. I took charge. I didn\’t approach problems in my former way of insecurity–I attacked things head-on.

But most of all, I realized that I have many friends. I always had an affinity for making close friendships, yet I harbored a lot of distrust in people, thinking that when I needed them the most, they wouldn\’t be there.

One interesting observation, for every 1 female friend I have, I have at least 5 male friends.

A friend said that girls like that have something wrong with them…

Going around Pittsburgh with no car in the cold, wet, windy snow is no fun. Especially when the bus is delayed. Or never comes.

I wonder how many brain cells I have lost on my adventure today when I took random buses that went nowhere just because I didn\’t want to wait in the cold anymore.

Dear Jennifer:

Congratulations! You have been selected to take our tour of Silicon Valley, January 9-13. Please acknowledge this message. If, for any reason, you cannot participate, please let me know asap as there are many students on the waiting list. In any case, please confirm by Friday, 12/16, that you are coming. We will send your resume to the host companies then. Intel, Google, Juniper, Broadcom, Vmware, and Salesforce.com have signed up so far. It will be a full, exciting week!

blah blah blah blah…

Sadly, I applied before I knew that I would be coming back to Pittsburgh early. But here are my rationalizations: these companies typically send out people who don\’t know anything about human computer interaction. Like I was telling my friend if I had gone, I would have to face a conversation such as the following since the tour seems to be very cs-oriented:

Ms. HR: DO YOU PROGRAM?
me: no, i do not. but i–
Ms. HR [interrupting]: WAIT, WHY ARE YOU HERE? AREN\’T YOU FROM CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY? AREN\’T YOU FROM THE SCHOOL OF COMPUTER SCIENCE!??!?!?!?
me: yes, my background is in human computer interaction, enabling me…
Ms. HR: OH, SO YOU DO ROBOTICS. WE HAVE A PERFECT POSITION FOR YOU.
me: oh, actually I am not in robotics. i am interested in user-centered design–
Ms. HR: WHAT IS A USER?!?!?!
me: …

The other day, I was telling a friend how I had always wanted to be a writer (fiction, journalism, creative non-fiction, columnist), but due to practical culture of my parents, I took a more feasible route from computer science to human computer interaction.

He requested to see some of my writings and I showed him the 40,000+ words I wrote for nanowrimo a few years ago. For that, I wrote my autobiography (obviously breaking the rules, but hey). Apparently, I didn\’t remember what I had written, just knowing that I had wrote about everything that had affected my life in those 20 years.

He liked how I used to say \”I see you never\” to people I didn\’t want to see again. He laughed about my story of Mike Fernando. He told me that it felt like the Matrix where someone pushed a button and he suddenly \”knew Jenn\”. He repeated some of the stories I wrote about…but to my surprise, I barely had remembered that I had done some of those things. I didn\’t remember why I now dislike calla lilies or how I used to always ask \”do you watch porn?\” Yet like most people, I couldn\’t bear to re-read the parts that were embarrassing and painful. I always thought I would be over it, but to remember the naivete, the what i would do now with what i know now feeling…that\’s always the biggest challenge of confronting the past.

Or worse yet, did I mature?

I went to Panera today and decided after much thought, just to get a cup of hot tea. The cashier went to the other side to get me a cup of hot water.

\”One seventeen,\” the cashier said.

I pulled off my gloves and extracted a dollar from my wallet. Then I searched for a bit through my coin purse for 17 cents. I eventually settled on giving her a quarter, thinking to myself that I would leave the change as tip. She took the dollar and a quarter. Then she stepped to the other register. Confused, I stood there for a bit and gave up grumbling to myself whether it was worth it to fight for 8 cents.