Change is good…right?

In the past week, I have been internet-less, silverware-less, chair-less (except in my room), plates-less, bowl-less…and all other assorted things that happens when a roommate who owns most things moves out.

My new roommate moved in two days ago. She’s everything that I had wanted in a roommate—financially responsible (stable), open in communication, welcoming in sharing, cooperative…

And yet, there’s a part of me that longs for non-change. Even though my previous situation wasn’t the best where my previous roommate and I wouldn’t communicate for days on end. We would shutter in our rooms. I would dominate the kitchen…and living room. And the heavy footsteps outside my door. For more than 3 years. In fact, exactly 3 years, 6 months, 14 days and 12 hours my previous roommate and I lived in a place centrally located in the Mission. We had found the place together which fulfilled our requirements: parking for him, modern power plugs for me, hardwood floors for him, next to public transit for me, reasonably priced for both of us… We had found each other on craigslist when I posted an ad calling for a roommate that would find a place with me.

It’s the longest that I have ever lived with someone outside my family. Although when I first moved in this place, it was also when Chris and I got to know each other.

I have always embraced change. I flew across the country for graduate school and willingly accepted new roommates to my house. I changed friends every year. I changed jobs almost every other year.

And yet today, when I got back from work (in a car that I drove into a private parking spot no less) as I walked into my apartment filled with things that I do not know…a kitchen full of equipment…a roommate that I only get to know…I wonder why I am not filled with excitement of the future or even just hope. It’s not quite despair. It’s not displeasure. It’s only discomfort and anxiety of welcomed and unwelcomed change.

My room though is still messy as it has been since I moved in 3 years, 6 months, 14 days and 12 hours ago. Minus 10 minutes.