I was cleaning out my bag the other day and found two slips of paper from fortune cookies.

One, crinkled and dusty, read: You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily.

The other, brand new and most likely from 3 weeks ago, read: You will be wise not to seek too much from others.

And recently, I randomly had a Tarot Card reading and my first card was Death. Which doesn\’t mean…always death, but rather it represents the current state of my life. This card is a sign that it\’s time to move on. This card is about \”out with the old and in with the new.\” Some form of renewal is about to occur in your life.

Although I don\’t believe in omens, what could it possibly mean?

As I was walking down to the gym the other day, I ran into one of my friends. He saw me in my sweatshirt and exercise pants. Why are you even going? You\’ll get so sweaty! And you\’ll be tired! And it takes so much time! he exclaimed in his usual excited way of his.

I looked at him blindly and said passively, \”But I think it\’d give me more energy…\”

He shook his head disapprovingly. Then he gave me a hug (the kind where you grab my neck and try to choke me) and left.

Join Orkut! It\’s the new friendster!!! It\’s affiliated with google, so no more obscure privacy policies. Or servers that go down…

What\’s so great about it is that…it has two communities devoted to the art of stalking! :D From here, I have learned stalking techniques and bar code decoder.

Yesterday night at the Fish Market with BradFORD and my sister, I recognized a guy from my high school. He was working as a bus boy and I was shocked to find someone I recognized somewhere almost 600 miles away. Even worse to run across someone from the horrid times four years ago.

As I stared at him, I remembered his first name. Colin. Then about 5 minutes later, I remembered his last name. Brown. I remembered that he was part of the druggie group. The major outcast group who didn\’t really care whether they fit with high school or not. I was part of the \”highly academic\” outsider group. I never talked to him in high school. And him the same to me. What if it wasn\’t him. He looked exactly how he looked like 4 years ago. Yet, the curiousity was getting the best of me. Was he one of those people who moved to San Diego in hopes of a new life? With no specific direction, but to get out of Lafayette? Did he arrive there and have his dreams shatter? Then he realized he had to work. And so begins his life as a busboy at Fish Market?

I felt idiotic there. I exclaimed my shock to my sister and Brad. Or maybe it was just the feeling of the unknown. Most likely, he wouldn\’t recognize me. Wouldn\’t know my name. Wouldn\’t really want to get to \”re-connect\”. I didn\’t know how to approach it. Someone came up with the idea that Brad would be \”named\” Colin. And that we would shout the name Colin really loudly as if we were trying to get Brad\’s attention. Eventually, as Colin was setting the table next to ours (and I staring so defiantly…), my sister spontaneously asked Brad, \”Hey COLIN what do you think of my creme brulee?\”

Colin immediately whipped his head around and noticed me. (Brad didn\’t answer my sister, by the way. He seemed too amused by the incident.) \”Hey,\” Colin said over the din of the restaurant. \”You go to school down here?\”

I shook my head and said, \”Berkeley.\”

He then said, \”Ok, talk to you later.\”

He walked back to the busboy\’s area and avoided our section for the rest of our meal (or so it seemed?) We didn\’t talk again.

I never believed there would be somewhere in California where the seasons don\’t truly change. Since I am from Northern California, winter to me always consisted of frost in the mornings, enough chill to wear a winter jacket and scarf, and many rainy days. But here in San Diego, it\’s truly a place where it\’s spring all year long. It was funny how Tanner regarded NorCal weather as…autumn. And here I am in SD not at all accustomed to the changes in weather.

Goodbye San Diego…Hello SF Bay Area!

Okay, yes I am in San Diego visiting my my sister! It\’s interesting how my sister has as many pictures of me as her boyfriend.

And today, I braved the crowd of UCSD and actually met Brad. You would think after our pseudo-debates that we (or maybe I) would not dare step on each other\’s territory. But meeting in person for the first time is always so different…and in its unique way interesting. Being me, I hadn\’t told him which Friday I was going to visit. I had deliberately got to his second class (never post your class schedule online, because I could find out what classes you\’re taking), but the room number had unfortunately changed. As a result, I spent approximately 30 minutes stalking the library trying to see if I could recognize him. It was exhausting, staring at all the students faces. Walking between shelves, between rows of computers. Looking for a head of dark hair. And a 6 foot tall build. And so things have a way of falling into place. We sauntered throughout campus with no aim and having the required picture (BY LELE) taken. Yeah.

I was without my cellphone for more than 8 hours. I never realized how lost I felt without it. That I knew nobody could reach me (unless they e-mailed me). That I was expecting a few calls, but would not there to pick up…

So for the longest time, I was in the car. Searching my bag constantly even though the first time I checked, it wasn\’t there…the second time I checked, it wasn\’t there either. I kept brushing my hand blindly underneath the seat. Not there. Used another cellphone to call it…no ring. And it was back in the last place I remember seeing it. Ah, sigh missing things!

It\’s interesting how cellphones have done that to me. I can\’t stand to be unreachable…anymore.

I dislike the feeling that I am being stalked. This feeling comes from the fact that my blog is on some people\’s feedreaders. Usually, I am relying on the fact that people are too lazy to read my blog. That they will only remember to visit the url when they remember. As a result, this gives me almost the writer\’s freedom to say whatever I want without the anxiety that that one person will read it in less than an hour.

This is the only reason that gives me the free rein to gossip about certain people. So here I am, unable to do it just out of respect of those who truly stalk me.

I thought I had a good gay radar, but apparently not. At work today, I was helping a guy with his computer…and he seemed way too nice. Naively, I thought he was hitting on me (we all know how \”nicely\” I would have reacted tee hee!). Until I looked at his wall decorated with a rainbow flag (and a rainbow beanie baby), a Marriage is ONE bumper sticker, and love letters from his boyfriend. Sigh, it seems as if I take things at face value more than anything.

I wish graduate schools made up their mind faster…just reject me already! Right now, I am mentally crossing gatech off my list. Mostly because I was confused by their directions and didn\’t follow it word to word. And broken links were abound and the admissions people weren\’t clear and responsive when I e-mailed them. Hmmph.

My expenses made for graduate school:
GRE test in August – $115
GRE test in October – $115 (because I thought my previous score wasn\’t good enough *cough*)
a 34 cent stamp for each of my recommenders – $1.02
rush transcript from one cc – $10
rush transcript from another cc – $10
six transcripts ($6 each) from UC Berkeley – $36
5 transcripts ($4 each) from one cc – $20
5 transcripts ($5 each, but I get 2 free) from another cc – $15
3 GRE score repots ($15 each) – $45
application to UC Berkeley – $60
application to Indiana – $45
mailing competency packet/portfolio plus envelope – $3
application to RPI – $45
application to CMU – $65
mailing fee to CMU – $0.80
application to UMich – $60
mailing resume and past evaluation – $0.74
application to Georgia Tech – $60
mailing package to Georgia Tech – $0.80
application to Iowa – $0
total spent: $707.36 (Oddly enough, I don\’t really see the impact of these fees on my bank account. my account looks almost the same as last months)
time spent in immense anxiety and enduring parent\’s nagging – priceless?

Almost every single year, I have approached Valentine\’s Day as any other day. When I was younger, I anxiously worried about who I had to give those class valentines to? Do I have to be nice to my enemy? As I got older, it became more of a celebration of the Day After Valentines when (red and white) candy would be on sale.

The last two years, I celebrated the day as an anti-couple movement. Having a dinner with all my female friends at a nice romantic restaurant. Each time, the host would ask me, \”You do realize it\’s Valentine\’s Day, right?\” Oh yes, I knew it. The first time we went, I was surprised to see a table where a couple was completely silent. They were seated opposite from each other, but they kept looking away. And last year, we went all out, buying flowers for everyone. Yes, we were that special. To ourselves.

Because of certain circumstances, that dinner won\’t happen this year. And so be it. I want to see Vagina Monologues, but people in Berkeley are always so wimpy (IF YOU AREN\’T, BETTER E-MAIL ME FAST AND ASK ME TO GO WITH YOU OMG?). And ultimately it will be another Saturday. Or maybe I\’ll make it something special. ;)