They say that there’s thing called the Seattle freeze. Whether it’s true or not, I had always wondered the same about San Francisco.

People often attribute to the difficulty in making new friends to the difficulty for meeting people outside work. That there’s no such social setting like school and the like. And yet.

When I first moved to San Francisco in 2006, I met people quite easily. Yet I have noticed that it’s incredibly hard to make friends with someone one-on-one. It’s a group setting and others must be invited. If they weren’t, it appeared pushy or “something weird was happening”. Everyone assumes that everyone else has something better to do. Especially with what Facebook, Twitter, G+…

I have always hated the “let’s have lunch sometime”. At first, I would agree happily and then it wouldn’t happen. In the end, I determined that I wasn’t interested either…that I should have read between the lines and that we were being nice.

Do you want to get lunch sometime?

“Want to come onto the stage?” the emcee of the luau asked the front row of kids.

My sister was excited. Yes! That looked like fun! the eyes said. She and a few others scrambled to go up.

“Nah! I am just kidding!” the emcee said.

My sister burst into tears and that defined what Hawaii was to me. One single mean-spirited joke.

A Facebook friend. Friend you, friend me. Work friends. School friends. Friends and family sales.

Every year, I struggle with the definition especially since technology and services have diluted the definition.

“But we are friends,” someone would say to me.

I balk immediately, because the feeling is not mutual. Perhaps it’s due that I never switched contexts from acquaintance to friend. Perhaps it’s because I lost trust. Perhaps it’s because…worst of all, I lost respect.

Then there are my favorite people. The people that I carefully label friends. They are the people who I do not feel judged with. They are the people that I would travel thousands of miles to see when I am halfway across the world. They are the people that I can and trust to ask to help me up when I fall.

What are friends when it’s not mutual as I once wrote.

This time I am on my own.

I remember hesitating before answering, obviously feeling naive and ignorant. In his dorm room, he played them in the CD player, speakers facing us. Days after, I listened to them on repeat, allowing me to believe that they understood me. They through my headphones could mourn and lament with me as I walked rejected back to my apartment 2 miles away.

Today, I remembered that moment because of Spotify.

Sometimes the answer is:
Them saying no.

There’s this saying that it’s easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.

It has been always in my nature to hesitate to ask for (or just take) something that is not clearly mine. Rules are the definitions in my world. I don’t want to impose. I don’t want to be seen as dependent or needy.

And yet, when I am able to have someone do it for me, it’s a relief.

Last Sunday, I broke the straw in my avocado smoothie (by impulsively chewing it). But I hesitated to ask for a spoon. I was more than 150 feet away from the truck where I got the smoothie, waiting at the train stop. There was a group BBQing nearby.

“Go ask them,” both Joe and Chris chorused.

I immediately felt a sinking rock. I hesitated and walked in a circle, wondering how I was supposed to drink this smoothie was nearly like ice cream. I flailed about trying to “drink” it, but carefully to prevent it from falling on my face.

“Go, they’re just right there.” Joe said. “I’ll go ask.”

“No!” I exclaimed and finally walked over.

The BBQ group didn’t have a spoon and eventually I went to the truck where I asked for one.

I walked back. Both Chris and Joe were impressed that I finally got it.

I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes.

This is Jem. She has white socks. She loves people and gets into trouble. A lot.

This is DC. Also know as Sophie Deathclaw. She is a scaredy-cat.

First, here are reasons that I should not cat-sit:

Second, here are reasons that I do:

“Three horrible things happened to me yesterday,” Sashimi related to me today.

I smiled, knowing that this was going to be a hilarious story.

“First, my phone died and I couldn’t take photos! Second, I lost my bike. But the worst part was running into you!” he exclaimed.

We have the same job at the same company. We live within a block within each other. We have mutual friends. We got the same masters at the same university. And unfortunately we have similar extracurricular interests.

But we have different personalities, different comforts with privacy and social media, different perspectives on career paths and user experience, and differing attitudes toward friendship.

Yesterday, as I was eating dinner after a UX club, I glanced outside. To my surprise, I spotted him outside looking at the menu with a girl.

“Sashimi!” I exclaimed.

He looked at me in shock almost.

I said, “Remember you followed me here. I did not follow you!”

He must have grunted some kind of reply and turned…to flee.

Twins. I have many sides, I say.

To close friends (and a written online journal), I easily voice my despairs and complaints.

But I easily can maintain a positive spin to everyone else.

A friend once complained about it—that I had too many faces. In those tearful moments as salty drops fall down my face, I can wipe my face in one moment and say with a smile, “Hi, how are you?!”

This can sometimes make Gemini nosy, they do not mind their own business! This is because they really enjoy communicating, more so then most other astrology signs, they are the ultimate social butterfly.

On Saturday as I went to dinner with someone I met recently, he said, “Oh I totally could tell you that you are a Gemini. Geminis have the most interesting personalities.”

Although I swear that he was just humoring me and I dismissed the whole astrology thing. Until after looking it up, I realized that I have a tendency to be attracted to novelty, gossip and duality.

Touching is unusual for me.

With my new roommate, I have met many of his friends from Mexico. All of them are pretty interesting and amazing. I am interested—because they grew up in such different but similar culture.

Because I am so curious about them, I have managed to befriend them all easily. And then after that initial greeting, they come up to me…a hug…and a kiss on the cheek. The first few times, I was startled and stood helplessly trying to blend it. I have managed to be better, but am not any better.