I am not sure if it is to the day. But it has been 10 years since I experienced one of the most traumatic events of my life. It was the event that one could say was a turning point..or a down point. The one that encouraged the development of my social anxiety and my distaste of superficiality. I wish I could joke and say that it was something dumb like the day I learned how to pronouce lingerie (that was in 7th grade btw). But it wasn\’t…and I probably have repeated it several times before, \’twas the heather incident.

I remember after it happened…I always wondered whether I would have a chance at being \”normal\”. And because I had determined that I couldn\’t, I adopted the motto of Don\’t be normal; be different. And as a result of that incident, I rarely wear outlandish clothes. Or bright colors. And I wince if someone makes a comment about my clothes…always on the edge of fear that I am not wearing something normal. Yet, I shouldn\’t always blame things that happen now on things that happened a decade ago. If it wasn\’t for Heather, would I have more confidence than I have now? Or would it not have made a difference at all? If I had succeeded, would I have always stayed vengeful?

But I still go out…with uncombed, unbrushed hair.

I love this site already!!!! <3

I\’ll just like to say that 9/11 will always be remembered for the day that I skip meetings with graduate students because I am a coward (yes, I got to the building early, then realized the room was so small and that it was going to be a small group meeting omg, then i didn\’t see anyone, the building was so empty and large and stony and i saw all these people dressed up in business attire and i was only wearing shorts, and i freak out omg and i almost get hit by a car and i went outside to breathe and i saw the grad student i am researching for and i start to feel silly and i start to run after him but then i stop and i turn and i couldn\’t turn around and omg i couldn\’t go in the end). Oh and this

I changed the password to my router last week and whoops, I forgot the password. DOH.

In other news, the BLAH REPUBLIC first (and only) general meeting of the Fall Semester today. I really doubt that many people from UC Berkeley actually read this blog, but it\’s at 182 Dwinelle at 7 pm. Free food. Free fun. And yes, you\’ll learn all about blogging through my great powerpoint presentation. YEAH!

I need a personal secretary! Because of all the things I want to do this semester and all the things I need to do this semester (test prep classes, career prep classes, school, work, searching for research and research itself, career fairs, seminars, PEEPS LIKE MY SISSY, ETC), I am having very hectic scheduling. It\’s awful to realize that I sometimes mistakenly schedule two things for the same time.

Today I went to the career fair. Because I was so happy that I was able to establish a good rapport with representatives from Yahoo and CheveronTexaco (the yahoo guy gave me a free shirt!), I lost track of time…until I realized that I had missed a class. Whoops. Job vs. school?! Which is more important?

Because of this article, I am starting to feel elitist about my major. :D BTW, capped means a minimum gpa!

I never realized it before…but how many people out there feel really slighted that I don\’t im them?

Or at least, who wants to complain that they always have to im me since I don\’t im them?

And I sometimes wonder why I stare at the buddy list, wondering why nobody is iming me. Sometimes.

I have such awful inability for not keeping my poise. I crack and I fall.

I finally found an opportunity in research, but I think I looked so nervous that I didn\’t seem enthuastic enough. I acted the same way when I met with my GSI from Linguistics last semester to write me a letter of recommendation.

Can I ever stop shaking? Or stop looking like a fool?

Edit: Of course Lele later tells me for some reason, i read \”I have such awful inability for not keeping my poise. \” as \”I have such awful inability for picking my nose\” :X

I decided that I wanted to boycott the bathroom (just like a good Berkeleyian who protests about something but we all knows that the protest is sometimes futile, because probably they\’re right after all) but unfortunately nature calls.

I am glad to be part of a campus that is number nine on the top ten activist campuses nationwide. I thought Stanfuuurd had a better turnout than our meager anti-war protest, but surprisingly they didn\’t make it at all.

But I just wanted to thank my roommate for telling me the brutal truth and tell her that yes, I will clean the bathroom now and be aware of my messes. I am trying. Really I am. Considering that this is our third year being roommates!

Okay, so I left the bathroom a mess. Okay, so I slacked in cleaning the bathroom last semester?

Does that make me an annoying, irritating roommate?

Probably yes.

Let\’s see what I have done. I handle all bills, mostly because I am a control freak. I buy all the paper towels. I purchased the garbage bags. I am sort of annoyed that we have to rely on shopping bags as our trash can bag. I usually empty the dish rack. I bought nearly all the toilet rolls we have (why aren\’t there any in the cupboard under the sink???). I always handle the direct contact with authority like our manager. If there is something wrong with the bills, I take care of it. In reality though, I guess that\’s just not enough to counterbalance everything else wrong with my characteristics of a roommate.

When people complain to someone directly, people often forget that by doing so, they have created resentment. What happened to the I feel-statements? I hate you is not a complete statement nowadays…it has to be I hate you, because…

Yes, it\’s probably my fault for being such a poor roommate. And it\’s also my fault for being too loud when I bring a friend to my apartment…ONCE A WEEK for less than an hour.

Just for people who think I am a wimp, I would say this all to her face, except…I have no intentions of moving out. Peace yeah?

I had a phone conference with Mikkkee and Lele last night. All we came away with was a BAD Vietnamese word I learned from Lele and this this post.